WASHINGTON, DC – Budget crisis causes U.S. to turn to the alien, P’Lod, for financial aid.

The United States government will face a catastrophic event of historic proportions, if Congress cannot resolve the budget crisis. Current funding is scheduled to run dry on March 4 of this year and if a temporary spending bill is not put into place beforehand, the system of government that the citizens of the United States have grown accustom to will end, permanently.

Republicans have proposed $60 billion in federal spending cuts in order to keep the U.S. government out of the red and avoid a permanent shutdown. And although the house is now under Republican control, there are still concerns that members of Congress will be unable to put aside partisan principles and band together to save the United States from immanent doom.

As a safety net, some members of the Congress have called upon P’Lod, the alien who backed Barack Obama in the 2008 elections in hopes to find a way to the bring the United States budget under control.

Current Republican planned cuts include blocking federal funding to Planned Parenthood and baring the Pentagon from using tax dollars to sponsor NASCAR race teams.  P’Lod does not have issue with reducing funding to Planned Parenthood but he will not stand for cuts to NASCAR.  P’Lod really loves his NASCAR.

P’Lod has offered to take President Obama up on his offer for the White House, agreeing to pay the full asking price plus closing costs, as a sign of his commitment to aid the U.S. in these trying times.

“P’Lod has always enjoyed his visits to the White House,” said a top White House aide, “He’s really going to enjoy it here, especially the West Wing.”

Based on the great deal of influence that P’Lod had during the 2008 elections; many conspiracy theorists worry that this purchase is all but a tactical maneuver by P’Lod in order to help him to gain complete control of the U.S. and ultimately the world.

“There are tons of government secrets locked up in the White House, many of which the U.S. government does not even know about,” explained John McElroy, top conspiracy theorist and movie buff, “I’ve seen National Treasure and National Treasure: Book of Secrets. If we let P’Lod get a hold of that information there is no telling what powers and riches he will uncover.”

UPDATE – Obatma is spending the first day of Kwanzaa with the Obama family!

Obatma, Obama’s half-bat half-brother, arrived yesterday in Honolulu to spend time with his newfound family. He was wearing a scarf bearing the pan-African colors of red, black and green, and carrying one of the Kwanzaa candles.

President-Elect Barack Obama briefly spoke to a small group of journalists a few blocks from his home, stating, “While our main celebration is Christmas, we were more than happy to join my brother in honoring his first Kwanzaa in these United States.”

When asked if there were any hiccups, Obama laughed and explained, “While our girls aren’t allowed to play with matches, Obatma was too excited about lighting the kinara for us to deny him. If I can admit I was wrong about the surge, I can admit that that was not our smartest decision. He was so nervous he dropped the candle and set the tablecloth on fire.”

Through tears and sign language, Obatma promised to use his allowance money to buy a new tablecloth.

December 25, 2008

HONOLULU, HI – Obatma has arrived in Hawaii to spend the holiday season with his new American family.

Although the Secret Service has clamped down on President-Elect Barack Obama’s holiday home, Obama was photographed yesterday spending time with Bat Boy.

Now a new picture has been released by a photographer who caught this heart-warming moment of Obatma arriving at the home. As the newly discovered half-bat half-brother of Barack, Obatma was invited to spend the holidays with the family.

It appears that the mutant has acclimated quickly to American culture, and decided to celebrate the African heritage holiday of Kwanzaa!

Check back tomorrow as Weekly World News works tirelessly to bring you updates.

CHICAGO, IL – President-Elect Barack Obama’s inauguration travel plans are harkening back to a time earlier than any had predicted.

It was recently reported that Obama and his family would be taking a train from Philadelphia to Washington D.C., stopping along the way to pick up Vice President-elect Joe Biden in Delaware. However, Emmett Beliveau, the executive director of the Presidential Inaugural Committee, has issued a statement to clarify Obama’s plans.

“President-Elect Barack Obama has chosen to ride horseback to his presidential inauguration. His decision honors the rich history and tradition of previous inaugural journeys, such as those of George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. His denial of automotive transport is also a statement against our dependency on foreign oil.

“Millions of citizens have expressed a desire to see Obama sworn in, but sadly, it is not possible to accommodate a number of that magnitude. By riding horseback out in the open through three states, we hope to include as many Americans as possible who wish to congratulate him.”

When asked by a CNN reporter if Michelle Obama and her children would be joining him, Beliveau laughed and shook his head. “Oh no no no, she and the girls will be taking the train. Michelle told him if he goes through with this, she doesn’t care if he’s the leader of the free world or a plumber, she doesn’t want to hear one peep about his sore behind.”

CHICAGO, IL – Obatma was wrongly arrested this morning for conspiring to sell Barack Obama’s vacant Senate seat.

Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich and his chief of staff were arrested Tuesday morning after the FBI revealed wiretaps exposing Blagojevich’s plans to trade the Senate seat for cash and a well-paying job for his wife.

Obatma was also picked up from his makeshift cave in Grant Park. FBI agents believed he was involved in the planning but were admittedly confused by his motives. Why would Obatma conspire against his own half-brother’s old seat?

Upon reviewing the tapes, the error was found. Obatma’s grasp on English, let alone any human language, is extremely poor. Obatma was able to explain through a sonar interpreter that when Blagojevich called, he thought they were talking about selling seeds for honey. Honey is very valuable in his home country of Kenya, and Obatma occasionally ventured from his cave to trade seeds with the honey hunting Ogiek tribe.

The taped conversation went as follows:

R: I’m going to keep this Senate option for me a real possibility, you know, and therefore I can drive a hard bargain. The seat is a valuable thing – you just don’t give it away for nothing.
O: squeak!
R: I want to make money.
O: squeak squeak!
R: Are you in?
O: squeeeeaaaaaaak!
R: Wow. Keep our fingers crossed. You’re the man. Good job, son.

Obatma was returned to his cave, but not before he was given five minutes to sit in the front seat of the police car and turn the sirens on and off repeatedly.

WASHINGTON, DC – President-Elect Obama asserted influence this weekend, advising President Bush on which holiday choir to pick for the White House – and they’re aliens!

The Qwoak Intergalactic Boys Choir, famous for their recent holiday albums “I Saw Mommy Kissing Frozen Santa Claus” and “Rudolph the Twelve Nosed Reindeer,” have been performing choral choirs around the country.

After seeing the QIBC perform at Old Orchard Shopping Center in Skokie, Illinois, the President-Elect decided they were perfect for the White House.  The fact that the decision is not yet up to him did not seem to be of significance.

In a not so subtle move, the President-Elect went on Meet The Press Sunday morning and said how he intends to return the White House to the people by inviting artists, poets and musicians as well as school children and the public at large to use the White House as a tool for advancement of culture and art.

At the same time, Rahm Emmanuel, Obama’s Chief of Staff, was on the phone with current White House staff to get the Qwoak Intergalactic Boys Choir to be brought on as the official White House Choir this holiday season.

“The President-Elect is committed to using the White House as a platform for advancing and bettering the American culture,” Emmanuel said.   “What better way to do that then by introducing Americans to the most talented artists, not just from America, not just from Earth, but the entire galaxy.”

CHICAGO, IL – President-Elect Barack Obama has gone a step further in diversifying his transition team.

So far, Obama has named a number of openly gay people and people of color to his transition team. The team was created to lay out the agenda and priorities for the upcoming Obama Administration. Minority groups have applauded his efforts, but one group was left out until now.

Obama has been in talks to hire Xaxal, a well-known alien rights activist in the extraterrestrial community. His expertise alien-human relations makes him an exceptional candidate for one of the Agency Review teams. These teams provide the president-elect with information needed to make strategic policy, budgetary, and personnel decisions prior to the inauguration.

President George W. Bush has all but ignored even bringing alien rights to the table for the past eight years. Many extraterrestrials living in the United States are now looking to President-Elect Obama to make radical policy changes.

When pressed to explain at a recent press conference, Obama simply stated, “Look, I’ve known Xaxal for a long time. He attended Ykard University, the galactic sister school of Harvard Law, and has defended minority rights on 27 different planets in the last 300 years. If anyone else is more qualified in alien issues than him, I’d like to meet them!”

The reporter replied that the President-Elect had already met Cindy McCain, who had alleged relations with the Alien, but Obama quickly moved on to the next question.

CHICAGO, IL – President-Elect Obama’s Transition team announced today that the First Family to be has made a very important decision. They have decided on what breed of pet to bring to the White House: a Bigfoot.

In fact, it is a tiny Bigfoot.  And to accommodate Malia’s allergies, this little big-guy is the first hypo-allergenic Sasquatch known to man.

In a press conference last week, President-Elect Obama announced that they would seek to find a hypo-allergenic breed of dog in a shelter, knowing it would be a near impossible feat.

Within hours of the announcement, volunteers from a West Virginia animal shelter, began contacting the Obama Transition team to notify them of a unique animal they had been rehabilitating in their facilities for weeks.

“Hikers found the Tiny Bigfoot, Albert, in the woods back in August,” shelter director, Susan Thomas told reporters.  “We ran all sorts of tests on him to identify his species and age, and one of the things we noticed was that he didn’t cause an allergic reaction in people who usually show signs resulting from dander or saliva.  He may not be a mutt, but he sure is a doll.”

The Tiny Bigfoot spent the weekend with the Obama family to insure Malia didn’t have any adverse reactions.  Spokesmen from the First-Lady-Elect’s office told reporters that the family took to Albert very quickly.  “He is already a great companion to the girls and is proving to be an excellent guard dog.  He doesn’t let them out of his sight.”

The President-Elect himself is reported to be very pleased with their choice and looks forward to increased relations between his administration and the cryptid community.

GROOM LAKE, NV – Mega-celeb Oprah Winfrey has been in discussions with top government officials in an attempt to purchase Area 51.

In 1947, an alien spacecraft crashed in Roswell, New Mexico and the surviving aliens were brought to the Air Force base in southern Nevada known as Area 51.  The aliens have thrived and built a community that they have called home for over 60 years.

Oprah, a long-time supporter of aliens, has done countless shows promoting alien issues.  She does tailor the shows to also be applicable to human problems but contends, “Aliens are always at the center of it all.”  There is even speculation that she took a shine to Dr. Phil because he is part alien.

Winfrey’s plan is to turn the base into a full habitat for all alien cultures.  “I want this to be a welcome mat for visitors all over this wonderful world,” exclaimed a hopeful Oprah.  “It starts with this base and, hopefully, soon the whole state of Nevada will be a refuge for travelers and outcasts from everywhere.”

So far the Air Force, the Department of Energy and the National Security Council have all turned down Winfrey.  But she hopes that her endorsement of President-Elect Barack Obama will breathe new life into the one dream that she hasn’t been able to make come true.

GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA – Rumors that President-elect Barack Obama will close the Guantanamo Bay prison has left more than just humans concerned.

It is being reported that Obama’s advisers are currently drafting a plan to move terrorism suspects to the United States to face criminal trials. As soon as the rumors started circulating, the Chaos Cloud appeared above the Guantanamo Bay prison and has not moved since.

It is widely believed that the Chaos Cloud is nonpartisan.  In fact, it seems to have completely non-human motives, but scientists have been unable to discern much beyond its desire to keep chaos under control until its final descent in 2014.

Chaos Cloud specialists have stated that the Cloud is warning disagreeing parties to keep it civil, lest it must come down and make us. Decmocrats and Republicans have agreed to stay calm, as no one wants to see what the Cloud would have in store for us.

CHICAGO, IL – President-Elect Barack Obama held a press conference early this morning to announce his appointee to the Inter-planetary organization.

Standing next to Intergalactic United Nations Supreme Allied Commander, Trrgufchk Skgrt, Obama declared Reggie Love would be accepting the position. Longtime Obama friend and personal aide, Reggie will be rewarded for his years of dedication with one of the most coveted ambassadorships in the universe.

Obama told reporters at the conference, “Reggie Love is a dedicated and passionate American and Earthling.  He will represent our interests well and see to it that the decisions of the galaxy stand up to the standards the American people expect of the Intergalactic community.”

“It’s an honor to be given such an important role,” Love told reporters following the announcement.  “To represent America and the people of Earth in front of the entire galaxy is a humbling responsibility.”

Not missing a beat, Republican strategist and hate-monger Karl Rove commented, “Well it’s nice to see that Obama is already rewarding friends with cushy appointments.  Is that change we can believe in?”

Love is expected to take up his appointment within a matter of weeks, potentially even before Obama is inaugurated.  Bush had refused to name an appointee after the IGUN refused to send troops into Iraq.