My red, white and blue blood is boiling over what Obama said about Rush Limbaugh!

At a meeting with Republican leaders, our new Communist-in-Chief said, “You just can’t listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done.”

Heck, GOP poobahs don’t listen to Rush anyway, or else they wouldn’t pass those crazy bailouts. ($700-million for “after school snacks”? When I was a boy, we were lucky to get lard sandwiches. What are they feeding kids these days – caviar on a velvet cushion?)

And I don’t like the sound of that “you can’t listen to Rush” – seems the Teleprompter Kid’s planning to bring back that Hairnet Doctrine to ban my fellow patriotic pundits from the airwaves.

Maybe your Arabic copy of the Constitution took it out, but mine still has a little something called the First Amendment!

Obama’s just mad at Rush for playing that funny song, “Barack the Magic Negro”. But that song was really making fun of Reverend Al Shakedown. There’s a word for a fellow who thinks everybody’s saying bad things about him, and if I owned a dictionary, I could tell you what it was.

Rush and Obama have so much in common, I don’t know why they can’t get along. Both talk really nice. Both have their own airplanes. Both used to do drugs.

Obama says he’ll meet with that Achmed Dirtybad in Iran, but he’s scared of some chubby bald guy who lives with a bunch of cats and scented candles?

At least Rush is a true American and has the papers to prove it. Maybe the President won’t show us his birth certificate because “Barack Hussein Obama” is Swahili for “Big Sucky Baby Scaredy Pants”!

Can you prove it ISN’T true?!

MEMPHIS, TN – Ending the year on a high note, PhD Ape has announced he will meet with the man who distributed a racist song to RNC members.

Former Tennessee GOP Chairman Chip Saltsman, who is now running for Chairman of the RNC, distributed a mix CD of joke songs to RNC members whose votes he is courting. The track “Barack the Magic Negro” has put Saltsman into the national spotlight.

“Some people are calling him a racist,” PhD Ape said in a brief statement upon departing his charter flight in Memphis. “But I don’t believe that’s the case. He has a keen sense of humor and knows how to use seemingly controversial rhetoric to encourage a dialogue. Which is exactly what we’re doing now.”

“How can anyone call the Republican Party racist? There are four Latinos in the Party, at least one Asian American, and some African Americans. And only one member of the Palm Beach County Republican Executive Committee is in the KKK. Those are good numbers.”

Although Democrats have united in condemning Saltsman, members of the GOP are split between denouncing of the song and support for a longtime party member.

PhD Ape concluded his statement saying, “Like Mike Huckabee said, I believe that Chip would never intentionally disparage anyone. This is all just a big misunderstanding.”

“Many in the GOP believe that the song was playful and not hurtful because the election of Barack Obama has brought an end to racism.”

BY THE SEA, HONAH LEE – Amid the controversy surrounding an RNC member’s racist song, Puff the Magic Dragon has finally stepped forward to take a stand.

Chip Saltsman, a GOP strategist seeking to be the next chairman of the Republican National Committee, recorded and distributed to committee members a CD called “We Hate the USA” containing songs ridiculing liberals. But one parody, “Barack the Magic Negro”, set to the tune of “Puff the Magic Dragon”, has attracted the most controversy.

Peter Yarrow, one of the Puff song writers, has written of his disapproval, stating “Puff, himself, if asked, would certainly agree” that Saltsman should not be considered for the chairman position.

Puff has now stepped forward to declare his unhappiness. “I was frolicking in the autumn mist when little Jackie brought me my usual strings and sealing wax. He slipped in the daily paper, and I roared when I read what this Saltsman nitwit had done!”

He angrily blew smoke out of his nostrils. “Honah Lee is a magical land of inclusion, as stated in Constitutional Amendment 4 concerning non-discrimination. If I ever see that mooncalf, I’m taking him out sailing and only one of us is coming back, you know what I’m saying?”

Puff then cut the interview short to continue his allotted frolicking for the day.