The Obama Administration feels that the American dollar is in bad need of a makeover.  They have partnered with the Dollar ReDe$ign Project to pick a new design for U.S. currency.  Currently, the design that the administration likes best was done by Dowling Duncan (a British duo), which features a unique vertical design.  It also features President Obama on the one dollar bill.

“We love the Dowling Duncan look.  They’ve come up with a creative design and put President Obama where he belongs… on number 1,” said David Axelrod, Senior Adviser to President Obama.

The Dollar Redesign Project was organized by creative strategy consultant Richard Smith.  He is still soliciting ideas for the dollar bill of the future. “Our great ‘rival’, the Euro, looks so spanky in comparison it seems the only clear way to revive this global recession is to rebrand and redesign,” the project notes on its website.

Here’s the web site for  The Dollar Redesign Project.

“Don’t waste your time submitting a design, it’s a done deal,” said Rahm Emanuel, White House Chief of Staff.  The President wants “change” in the currency and we’ve unanimously picked Dowling Duncan’s work.  Fed Chairman, Benjamin Bernanke, has signed off on our choice for the redesign.  We intend to have the money in circulation by June, 2011.”

Emanuel went on to say that there are plans to redo U.S. coins as well.  “We don’t need a complete redesign of our coins, but we do want to put President Obama on the penny and move President Lincoln to the nickel. Thomas Jefferson, who was on the nickel, will be… discontinued.”  Republican  Congressman Paul Ryan suggested President Obama be  put on both the “nickel and dime” instead of the penny.

Another American icon might also be replaced.  “Uncle Sam is outdated,” said Axelrod.  “We need to update this icon as well.  It will now be Uncle Barack.”

Republicans are apoplectic about the changes the Administration is proposing.  “They won’t get this passed when we get control of the house,” said Minority Leader John Boehner.  “Typical Republicans, they want to block everything, even a little meaningless design issue,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.  “It doesn’t matter what they think, we’re going to pass this and every American will be carrying Obama dollars in their wallets and purses come June, 2012.”

FYI:  The Obama dollar will reportedly be worth $0.47.

WASHINGTON – The White House reportedly is set to announce a redesign of the American flag.

Reports from sources close to the White House say that President Obama felt that the American flag, “like the Constitution,” was old and needed updating.

Here’s what the new flag will look like:

The administration is supposedly ordering all government buildings to begin displaying the flag on August 4th, 2012.  That’s the President’s 51st birthday.

“The old flag has become a negative symbol around the world and many people in other countries are often burning it in protest,” said an aide close to White House insiders.  ”The new flag will be a symbol of hope and change for the world and the White House believes that there will be far fewer flag burnings across the globe with the new flag.”

The Administration feels that President Obama’s face immediately makes a person think of the best parts of America:  equality, fairness and respect.  “President Obama’s face is more unifying than 50 stars,” an aide to a Democratic operative said.  “Out of many, one.”

The President is reportedly planning on making a speech at the official unveiling of the flag.  In the speech, he intends to apologize to the world for the negative symbol that the flag has become.  ”Our new flag is one that will bring the world together, in harmony, peace and love,” a senior aide reportedly told WWN.

The flag is already being flown outside the Capitol Building:

There are some houses in Lake County, Florida that got an “advanced copy” of the flag – and are proudly flying it.

But tempers are flaring over the new version of the American flag.  A veterans group says the flag is an outrage. Korean war veteran Don Van Beck said his blood was boiling.

According to sources close to the Romney camp,  Bat Boy could get the nod as soon as next week.  Campaign insiders say that Mitt Romney has looked at Marco Rubio, Condoleezza Rice, Rob Portman and Chris Christie as possible running mates, but he feels that Bat Boy will give him the “sizzle” his campaign sorely needs.

“Bat Boy is from West Virginia and really understands the struggles that the middle class is going through,” said a Romney advisor.  ”With Bat Boy on the ticket, the Republicans should be able to carry the south, the midwest and all the Hollywood who all love mutants.

Some inside the Republican party are not happy with Bat Boy as the VP choice.  Karl Rove is said to be working overtime on a smear campaign to destroy Bat Boy’s credibility.

“Since that college professor pulled him out of a cave in West Virginia in 1992, he’s never fully acclimated to human culture, and he has a reputation for doing what the hell he wants to do regardless of the consequences,” said Rove.

But the Romney camp is not worried about Rove.  ”Bat Boy’s past is unusual, anyway, so there’s no doubt Rove and his minions, can make some hay with it,” said a campaign insider. “But we think we are making a great choice.  He’s certainly a much better choice than Sarah Palin.”

The Obama campaign has no comment on  Bat Boy as the VP nominee, but clearly they are worried.  ”Except for Richard Nixon, there’s never really been a mutant running for office.  So, we will have to rethink our strategy.”

As for the legality of Bat Boy running for vice president, Republicans have determined that because the famed imp was born in the United States, he is a citizen despite the fact that he’s not entirely human.

He is thought to be just 16 or 17 years old, adds the Republican source, “but if you measure his age in bat years, he’s more like 179, plenty old enough to qualify for the No. 2 spot.”

Romney plans on making his announcement about Bat Boy in a cave in West Virginia.   99% of bats have already pledged their support.

WASHINGTON — BidenBot, the lifelike, cybernetic machine that poses as Vice President Joe Biden during most of his public appearances, has malfunctioned again during a recent press conference.

During a rousing speech on student loan interest, the vice president suddenly appeared frozen with its eyes and mouth open. Reporters and aides looked on as smoke began to emanate from the machine’s ears. The conference was quickly canceled.

The administration rolled out BidenBot in response to several flubs and gaffes for which the vice president was responsible in the past 4 years. Notable occasions include referring to the president as “Barack America” during the 2008 campaign, cursing during the signing of the health care overhaul and advising Americans not to fly during the swine flu outbreak.

“We think the vice president is great,” said one vice presidential aide, “but we just couldn’t risk any more of these kinds of situations — especially in an election year. To let his incredible work in office speak for itself, we decided to create a robotic version of the vice president. No one notices usually, but unfortunately, today was a rare mishap.”

The last notable malfunction that occurred during a key 2011 speech from President Obama on the federal budget. While many thought the vice president had simply fallen asleep, it was later reported that BidenBot had a low battery and was forced to power down to “hibernation mode.”

As far as Biden’s own feelings about having the robot represent him, the vice presidential aide was quick to assure his approval.

“He understood and actually welcomed the idea,” the aide said. “He’s able to get much more done behind the scenes this way. And if President Obama and Vice President Biden are elected into another term, we don’t expect to need BidenBot quite as much in the coming years. Most likely, the robot will be repurposed to smaller appearances like state fairs and town hall meetings.

WASHINGTON – The Doggy Wars between Romney and Obama escalated.  Romney left his dog on his car roof and… Barack found a meal!

The Dog War between President Barack Obama and Republican candidate Mitt Romney is officially out-of-control.   Another rogue Secret Service team was sent to Romney’s campaign headquarters and reportedly stole a Republican campaign dog, Huckabee.   Many assumed that Huckabee was being held captive by the DNC, but WWN has learned from sources close to several Washington dogs, that President Obama ate the dog for lunch today.

“He had a Huckabee burger,” said a White House aide.

The Romney camp was quick to respond.  They stole Obama’s dog, Bo, and put him on the roof of a campaign bus, but Bo jumped down and ran back to the White House.

Meanwhile, the President was complimenting the Huckabee burger.  ”Best dog I ever had,” Obama reportedly told a White House waitress.

Democrats and animal rights advocates have criticized Mitt Romney for years because of the way he transported the family dog when he took his family on vacation in the early 1980s.

Romney placed the dog – an Irish setter named Seamus – into a crate and strapped it to the top of the car for a 12-hour drive from Boston to Ontario. At one point, Seamus got diarrhea, which required Romney to pull over to the side of the road and wash off the windshield.

New York Times columnist Gail Collins and groups like “Dogs Against Romney” have spotlighted the incident, arguing that it provides an unflattering insight into Romney’s character. To the frustration of the Romney campaign, it’s gotten enough traction that Romney and his wife Ann were asked about the story during an ABC News interview this week. Ann Romney said in the interview that Seamus “loved” the experience of being in the crate and that it was “a kinder thing” to bring the dog with the family than to leave him in a kennel.

The counterattack began when President Obama acknowledged he ate dog as a child.  Mr. Obama wrote in his memoir “Dreams of My Father” that he was “introduced to dog meat (tough), snake meat (tougher), and roasted grasshopper (crunchy)” while living in Indonesia between the ages of six and ten. Wrote the Daily Caller’s Jim Treacher: “Say what you want about Romney, but at least he only put a dog on the roof of his car, not the roof of his mouth.”

The War on Dogs is officially on.  Better keep your dogs at home… Romney and Obama might be coming for them!

WASHINGTON. BREAKING NEWS ***  President Barack Obama has resigned the Presidency of the United States!

President Barack Obama has shocked the nation! He called the White House Staff into the Oval Office and announced that he is going to resign as President of the United States.

The President has notified the broadcast networks that he wants to address the nation Wednesday (April 17th) night at 8pm.  With the faltering economy, the potential overturning of Obamacare, his low approval level and after spending the week on the campaign trail  (and in Colombia) – with dwindling donors –  he has decided to call it quits.

President Obama faces numerous challenges at home and abroad.  The economy is getting worse and everything he does seems to make it worse.  Many in the White House feel that the President has fallen into a deep depression.  There are rumors that he started taking Prozac last week.

He also does not feel that he has the experience on foreign policy to handle the ongoing conflicts in Iraq, Afghanistan as well as the new  military action in Libya in addition to the turmoil in the Middle East.

But the President will seek to immediately calm Americans.

“I know that Joe Biden will be more than capable of stepping into the Presidency.  He already is putting together his new cabinet,”  President Obama told his staff.

White House Press Secretary, Jay Carney, would not comment, but said that the President will be “perfectly clear about his resignation tonight.”

Joe Biden was unavailable, but WWN talked to members of Biden’s staff, who say Biden is confident that he can handle all the challenges facing the country.  “Joe is an expert on foreign policy.  He knows he can deal effectively and swiftly with all military conflicts around the world.”

Rumors are that Biden may appoint Hillary Clinton as his Vice President.  Further rumors have Joe Biden resigning in August, which would make Hillary President and put her in position to easily win re-election in November of 2012.

Events are progressing rapidly.  Check back with WWN, for an update!

Here’s our new President and VP!

Mitt Romney, will be competing in the Olympics in London this summer – on the U.S. Bodyboarding Team.

Republican candidate for President, Mitt Romney got some good news over the weekend. He’s officially made the U.S. Bodyboarding Team and will be competing this summer in the London 2012 Olympics.

How can Mitt compete in the Olympics and run for President at the same time?

“No problem, for Mitt.  He’s wrapped up the Republican nomination and he will only have to be in London for one week.  He can do it all,” said Romney’s senior campaign adviser, Eric Fehrnstrom.  ”He’s like an etch-a-sketch.  He can be a candidate one minute, then you shake him up and he’s an Olympics athlete.”

Barack Obama was not impressed with Romney’s selection to the team.  ”I’ve been a pretty damn good bodyboarder my whole life. Besides, I look better in a bathing suit than Mitt,” the President reportedly said.

Mitt Romney had no response to the President.  He was busy in La Jolla, California this weekend, working out with his bodyboard:

This is the first year that “bodyboarding” is an Olympic sport.  Romney plan on “taking home the gold” and then “hanging it the wall in the White House in January.”

He carried the torch then, and plans to carry the torch in London.

Romney is known in “bodyboarding” circles as Mr. Steady.  ”The guy never falls off.  It’s a miracle.  No matter how hard a wave crashes on him, he never lets go of his board.”

Romney will not be the only politician competing in Olympic Bodyboarding. Vladimir Putin will be on the Russian team.

President Barack Obama has agreed to play in the final two rounds of the Masters.

It will be the first time a sitting President (or any President) will compete in the Masters, but President Obama loves golf so much that he is willing to put aside his busy schedule and team up with Tiger Woods for two rounds of competitive golf.

“The President is confident that the other golfers will defer to him on the golf course and he is looking forward to wearing the green jacket on Sunday,” said a source in the White House.

President Obama has a 17 handicap, but he is still going to be placed at the top of the leader board.

“The President deserves to be recognized for his golf skills, he is entitled to a green jacket.  It’s his to lose.”

Sources in the White House said that he would be willing to share a small portion of the $1.44 million prize for the Masters with the other golfers.  ”The President believes in sharing his wealth and he will donate up to $20,000 to be divided all the other golfers participating in the Master.  ”He’s being very generous.”

President Obama has also ordered that women be allowed into Augusta.

“He doesn’t think the club should discriminate against women any more.  He has issued an Executive Order forbidding Augusta to ban women.

Augusta’s longstanding policy of not permitting women as members has upset women’s groups and Democrats for years, and the annual Masters tournament always brings fresh attention to the issue.

The White House is thrilled that the President is competing in the Masters and they will be rooting for him to win – even though they know that it’s rigged.

“The President won the Nobel Peace Prize without doing anything, so I guess this makes sense,” said a Republican in Congress.

WASHINGTON, DC -  Sources close to Hillary Clinton say  she will announce her run for President.

Hillary Clinton came to WWN Headquarters and told editors that she is livid about the downgrade of the U.S. Credit Rating.  “I’ve stood silent long enough.  I don’t think Obama is a leader and I know… I know I can do a much better job.  I am a true leader and… I am going to challenge Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination for the President of the United States.”

The White House was quick to deny the news, saying that as far as they knew Hillary Clinton is happy as Secretary of State and remains loyal to Barack Obama.

But, WWN has learned  that in recent weeks, Bill Clinton, has been meeting with democratic operatives in Washington and grass roots leaders early primary states of Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina.  Bill thinks this time around, Hillary can easily wrestle the nomination from a weakened Barack Obama.

“It’s her time.  The nation desperately needs Hillary.  The world desperately needs Hillary,” Bill Clinton told  WWN’s Frank Lake in phone interview last night.

Some cynical Republican consultants feel that this was the plan all along.  “They made a pact back in 2008.  Barack would serve one term and get Obamacare passed, then Hillary would serve two terms and pass the other elements of their progressive agenda. The plan is working perfectly.”

Sources close to Hillary said, however, that Hillary has not spoken to Barack Obama personally in over three weeks.  “Hillary feels that President Obama has moved dramatically to the center and abandoned the core progressive principles they both old dear.”

A quick Rasmussen poll of Democratic primary voters puts the race at 52% for Hillary and 45% for Obama with 3% undecided.

James Carville, Paul Begala and, surprisingly, Dick Morris, have all signed up to join the Hillary for President team.  2012 is going to be a wild  year.

Bill Clinton likes Hillary’s chances.  “Hillary is going to crush Obama.  And the country is going to get two for one.  We are back, baby.  We’re back!!”

Republicans and Tea Party Patriots are… very worried.  VERY worried.

WASHINGTON:   President Obama is pushing a new plan to have the IRS do your taxes – tell you what you owe.

The White House has told the new congressional “super committee” tasked with finding $1.5 trillion in cuts by November, that it wants them to allow the IRS to prepare your taxes for you.

The idea has been around for a while, but has been picked up steam in recent years. In 2006, Senate Finance Committee Chairman Max Baucu (D-Mont.) argued it would close a $345 billion annual difference between what the government believes taxpayers owe them and what the IRS actually collects, which he calls the “tax gap.”

“I think the solution to the tax gap problem is to get rid of the middle-man and no fees required,” he said.

Obama’s former Chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers Austan Goolsbee  made a strong case for it in a 2006 New York Times op-ed, explaining, “… the revenue service could send you a tax form already filled out with the information it has for you — a Simple Return — rather than a blank tax form. You would simply check the numbers against your W-2 and 1099 and then sign it.”

Barack Obama pushed the plan during a 2007 speech at the Tax Policy Institute: “The government already collects wage and bank account information,” he said, “so there’s no reason the IRS can’t send Americans pre-filled tax forms.”

While this notion of allowing government to encroach on yet another aspect of our lives might sound impossible, members of the  National Tax Payers Association (NTPA) believe this is a very real threat.

“There is a fundamental conflict of interest if the tax collectors also become the tax preparer,” said NTPA President and CEO, Fred White. “If you don’t trust the fox to guard your hen house, why trust the IRS to do your taxes?  It’s the same exact thing. They make it sound so convenient, but it’s really just a convenient way to kiss your deductions and tax credits goodbye.”

White is among the increasing number of voices who fear the “super committee” will follow President Obama’s request and put this new IRS plan into effect – without a single member of Congress having a chance to vote on it.

Last week, Mr. White was audited by the IRS – and declared bankruptcy yesterday.

President Obama would also like the government to have access to everyone’s bank accounts so the government can just take the money from your account without having you write out a check.   “Let’s make things simple for Americans,” said President Obama.

“The President feels that the U.S. Government has the right to take money it’s owed from it’s citizens.  It’ll be a standard wire transfer.  No big deal,” added Vice President Joe Biden.

Biden also suggested that the government collect everyone’s full paycheck and then “just send back the difference.  That”ll really make it easy for us.”

Are YOU worried?