The Texas-based AMR Corporation, the parent company of American Airlines, announced that the company filed petitions for Chapter 11 reorganization in the U.S. Bankruptcy Court for the Southern District of New York, “in order to achieve a cost and debt structure that is industry competitive and thereby assure its long-term viability and ability to continue delivering a world-class travel experience for its customers.”

WWN has learned that wealthy actor-director Tyler Perry has made an attractive offer for American Airlines.  The offer, said to be near $5 billion dollars, was quickly accepted by the airline.

“Mr. Perry made a bold and brilliant move… he is the smartest mogul in the country,” said a source close to American Airlines.  ”No other businessman would have the guts to try to bail out the biggest airline in the United States.”

Perry, the creator of the “Madea” character and the “House of Payne” sitcom, reportedly plans to rename American Airlines – African-American Airlines.  The new Perry run airline will be targeted to African-American passengers, but industry experts say that many white, asian and latino passengers will want to fly the airline, “just to be cool.”

Sources close to American Airlines said the sale to Perry is in the best interest of  the company and its shareholders.

Perry said he will not only be the CEO of the new airline, but he also will be the CFO, the COO, the CIO, the director of human sources and, of course, he will pilot many of the AAA flights.

American said it is operating normal flight schedules, honoring tickets and reservations, and making normal refunds and exchanges – during the transition period.

Perry reportedly said he will slowly implement new changes.  ”I want every flight to be a positive experience for all passengers and I hope to turn every flight into a morality play of sorts.”

How will Perry turn a flight into a morality play?  ”He hasn’t figured that out yet, but there will be a Madea character on every flight,” said Perry’s limo driver.

This will be Perry’s first airline, but sources say he plans to buy an airline every year for the next twenty years.

 

The Los Angeles Dodgers filed for bankruptcy today – and the NY Yankees quickly bought the team.

According to a release issued by the team on Monday morning, the Dodgers filed for bankruptcy.  Hal Steinbrenner, owner of the New York Yankees, immediately announced that the New York Yankees would purchase the ballclub.

“The Yankees organization always wanted to have a west coast presence – and now we have it,” said Hal Steinbrenner.  The Los Angeles Dodgers will be known as the Los Angeles Yankees starting in 2012.

Hal Steinbrenner is happy with his decision.

“It’s an unconventional decision to say the least,” say longtime Yankeees sportscaster, Michael Kay, “but the Yankees want to expand their brand and to have a team in the American League and one in the National League is fantastic.”

Steinbrenner is dreaming of a Yankees-Yankees World Series.

New Yorkers were quick to react.  “I feel good about it,” said Sal Provenza of the Bronx. “The Dodgers stabbed Brooklyn and New York in the back when they left over 50 years ago. Now, we got them back – in a way.”

“Yankees will have complete world domination now,” said Bronx native Wanda Easter.  “East Coast, West Coast – it’s all Yankees!”

Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig immediately approved of the Yankee purchase.  He has had a contentious relationship with Dodger owner Frank McCourt and this really “put it in McCourt’s face,” an MLB spokesman said.

”There will be no disruption to the Dodgers day-to-day business, the baseball team, or to the Dodger fans,” said Selig.  “But at the start of the 2012 season, the Dodgers will now be the Los Angeles Yankees.

Brian Cash, the Yankees General Manager, said that at the end of the season, the Yankees would be sending Derek Jeter to the West Coast.  “Derek is excited.  He wants to be near Hollywood with his girlfriend, Minka Kelly, and he can really build a strong fan base in Los Angeles quickly.”

A-Rod has already requested a transfer to the Los Angeles Yankees as well.

The Yankees are setting up shop on the West Coast… Play Ball!!

WAYNE, NJ – New Jersey Housewives are out-of-control.  The war is on. They’re going to the mattresses!

Danielle Staub was fired from the “Real Housewives of New Jersey,”  Teresa  Guidice has filed for bankruptcy and Carmela Soprano has left her husband Tony!

Danielle Staub, the villain of the Real Housewives of New Jersey was fired by producer because she made a sex tape, had a public lesbian relationship with Lori Michaels and had an unapproved boob-job revision.  She also had her Mafioso friends threaten the other Housewives with baseball bats and brass knuckles, including Ashley Manzo, who was kidnapped by Staub and had her hair completely shaved off.

Caroline Manzo heard about “the shaving of Ashley” and has gone completely ballistic. “If you do something to my daughter, you do it to me.  I will get revenge. Danielle will regret the day she ever laid a finger on my daughter.”

Meanwhile, Teresa Guidice has filed for bankruptcy, and celebrated by going on a wild shopping spree.  She spent 60,000 in three hours.  Her lawyers were stunned when they heard this, but her husband Joe was the one that took action. He sent his “boy” over to get her, rough her up and bring her home, where Danielle Staub was waiting to give her a beat-down.

And the big news was that Carmela finally decided to leave her husband, Tony.  The Soprano family was eating at a local diner when Carmela’s lover walked in an confronted Tony.  That man, Sal Provenza, was not seen again, but his body parts were found in Texas, Louisiana and parts of Florida.  Tony hit the roof when he found out that Carmela was leaving him and he blamed it on Danielle Staub, “that f**cking bitch started talking crap to my wife.  She talked her into doing this. I’m gonna get that whore.  She’s dead. Dead!”

Teresa Guidice blames Tony Soprano for her bankruptcy. “He told my husband he would have consistent work for him, and then the c**ksucker took his business elsewhere. Soprano is a-hole.  My husband’s going to take care of him. Count on it.”

So Soprano has declared war on Staub and her Mafioso friends, the Guidice Family has declared war on the Sopranos, and Staub has declared war on everybody.   Caroline Manzo is focusing on one hit.  What is happening to the women of New Jersey?

Snooki and JWoww, also from New Jersey, but not yet housewives, want to get in on the action. They feel left out. They’ve sent The Situation and Pauly D up to Bergen County to “cause trouble.”  Asked how he was planning on doing that Snooki said, “where’s the nearest tanning salon.  I’m losing color, I’m losing color!”

WWN advises all NJ women:  be on the look-out for the Housewives.  There will be blood…

Here was a look at season 2 of The Real Housewives.  You want to be part of that?

TORONTO, CANADA – Thousands of proud but recently fired investment bankers are flooding into Mexico and Canada in a desperate bid to find steady work and job security that are no longer available in the U.S.!

A spokesman for the U.S. Border Patrol says an astonishing 500 to 1,000 citizens are crossing our Northern and Southern borders every day, some with the help of smugglers who charge up to $10,000 a pop to pack them in refrigerator boxes or roll them up in carpets and sneak them over in trucks.

Mexican border patrol officers are now working around the clock to stop this new influx of American immigrants.

“They used to try to stop us from heading over there, but now they want to come over here,” says one member of the Mexican policia whose squad lines up to stop flow of briefcase-carrying freeloaders.

“They make fun of us and don’t want us over there,” he says. “Well, we don’t want them over here either!”

“I grew up in America and I love my country, but Lord knows, I have to make a living,” Peter Starmeyer, 38, says from the makeshift plywood and cardboard shanty he now calls home on Toronto’s increasingly seedy west side.

“When Lehman Brothers filed for bankruptcy and I lost my job, I had no other choice. The only way for me to keep living the American dream was to move to Canada where businesses value and respect workers and try to help them hold on to their jobs.”

When asked where he is working now, he pointed at a brothel across the dock. “With my investment advice, Madame Cherry will be able to expand her business in no time!”, he proclaimed with a proud smile.

Montreal, looks like you’ll be seeing Cherry’s Orchard 2 soon!