JUNEAU, AK – Sarah Palin has landed the cover of Portfolio’s April 2009 issue with a photo of her wearing a Bigfoot skin coat, and she is not pleased.

Joe McGinniss’ cover story, “Palin and Wildlife: The Cold Hard Truth”, focuses on her terrible track record when dealing with wildlife conservation. She has opposed strengthening protections for beluga whales and polar bears, and has encouraged the control of wolf populations through promoting bounties and aerial hunting.

But the most damning charges pertain to the treatment of Sasquatches in Alaska. As loyal Weekly World News readers may recall, Sarah Palin posed with a Bigfoot she shot dead from a helicopter.

Since then she has constantly battled with conservationists over placing them on the Endangered Species list. As a seemingly provocative move, Portfolio used a photo of Palin wearing a Bigfoot skin coat, possibly the skin of the creature she shot last year.

Palin spokesman Bill McAllister has already released a statement about the piece: “Show me one shred of truth for this accusation: ‘Palin has systematically targeted the Sasquatch population time and time again.’ Senator Palin’s first and foremost responsibility is to the citizens of Alaska. She must protect them and their livelihood from these creature.”

“If that means not bending over backwards for radical conversationists, then so be it. She is ready and willing to take on their criticism, when it is fair and factual.”

Ashley Judd, a recent foe of Palin, is already planning a new video with the World Cryptid Federation in order to bring Palin’s treatment of Sasquatches to light. Judd will shoot on location in Alaska, where she will be filmed handfeeding a pack of Sasquatches Twinkies to prove they are not dangerous.

JUNEAU, AK – Sarah Palin and Ashley Judd’s squabbling has descended into middle-school madness after only speaking to each other through the press.

Actress Ashley Judd is the face for a new Defenders Action Fund campaign against Governor Palin’s promotion of aerial hunting of wolves. In the ad, Judd states, “Palin even proposed a $150 bounty for the severed foreleg of each killed wolf. And now she is encouraging even more aerial killing. It is time to stop Sarah Palin and stop this senseless savagery.”

Palin has hit back through a released statement: “Shame on the Defenders of Wildlife for twisting the truth in an effort to raise funds from innocent and hard-pressed Americans struggling with these rough economic times.”

The two have now resorted to trading  petty insults and name-calling through third-party reporters.

Thursday 10:05AM, CNN – Judd: “I won’t respond to her directly. You can tell that cow to get back to paying off her slutty-secretary outfits.”

Thursday 1:37PM, Fox News – Palin: “I don’t want to talk her either! Stick to making bad cop movies, sweetie. Or is she too old now…”

Thursday 6:58PM, CBS  – Judd: “Take it back! So help me god, I will come up there and trash that god damn tanning booth!”

Thursday 9:16PM, Washington Post – Palin: “You have no friends and everyone hates you!”

Friday 8:32AM, New York Times – Judd, tearfully: “You’re ugly and poor!”

After reporting on the argument, The Today Show’s Willard Scott exclaimed, “Oh no she di’nt!” The group of hosts then jumped up on their desks and chanted, “Fight! Fight! Fight!” while Al Roker ran around in circles in excitement.

It has been decided that Oprah Winfrey will be brought in as a peer mediator, with talks to be held in the neutral location of QVC’s studio.