Even if Col. George Armstrong Custer had led 10,000 men against the Sioux in the 1876 battle at the Little Big Horn, they still would have been massacred…

GAITHERSBURG, MD – Former astronaut Edgar Mitchell stated at a UFO conference that extraterrestrial life exists and the government is actively covering it up.

WASHINGTON, DC – The government has been forced to pull back on defense spending. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates is pulling funding on F22 and Area 51, which is expected to close within the month.

LAS VEGAS, NV – President-Elect Obama’s streak of intergalactic bad luck continues this week as the Installation Commander of Area 51 refused to hand over the keys.

CLARK COUNTY, NV – The federal government has been getting creative during the economic recession, but have they gone too far this time?

GROOM LAKE, NV – Mega-celeb Oprah Winfrey has been in discussions with top government officials in an attempt to purchase Area 51.

Pope Benedict XVI has named an alien to minister a parish in the southwestern United States