BREAKING NEWS  Google has selected Weekly World News for the launch of the new Google Currents social reading platform for iPhones, Android Phones, Android tablets and iPads.

Weekly World News can be found in the Currents Entertainment section along with other leading online entertainment brands such as TMZ, PBS and Gawker.

Go to – GOOGLE CURRENTS - now to install Currents and add Weekly World News so you can enjoy the World’s Only Reliable News wherever you go.

Congratulations to he Google Currents production team:

The Currents launch features “a select group of publishing partners to offer,” according to the Google Mobile Blog post announcing Currents. Readers can also set up their RSS, video, and image feeds; stream in content shared on Google+; or view their Google Reader subscriptions through the platform.

DOWLOAD THE GOOGLE CURRENTS APP FOR FREE AND “ADD” WEEKLY WORLD NEWS TO GET  YOUR DAILY DOSE OF BAT BOY ON iPADS, iPHONES, ANDROID DEVICES AND ALL TABLETS.

Go to GOOGLE CURRENTS FOR INFORMATION ABOUT DOWNLOADING.

Check out this introductory video:

SEATTLE, WA – Amazon is making airbags for smartphones!

Jeff Bezos filed the patent last year, but it was just made public last week.  Amazon will be selling the airbags for smartphones by October 1st, 2011.

For those with regular cellphones, Amazon will be selling “seatbelts” and “child safety seats” for those who still do not know how to use their cellphones.

Why did Amazon’s CEO Jeff Bezos feel the need to make airbags for smartphones?

Well, whether it was on the kitchen floor, in the backyard, in the toilet, in your mother-in-law’s chicken gumbo, or even in public – we’ve all dropped our cell phones at some point in our lives.

The old cellphones would just get scratched up, but  today we have powerful smartphones that become not-so-powerful after a hard hit to the concrete. One accident can render a $200+ phone completely useless, and without proper insurance, it can cost a bundle to fix. While smartphones (and most other mobile devices) have screen protectors and cases to protect them, there will always be people out there with butterfingers who can push both the case and the phone to its limits.

The Bezos creation consists of tiny airbags that utilize even smaller jet streams within a protective sleeve. The smartphone’s inbuilt motion sensors detect if it is free-falling or just inside a bag, and if it senses a catastrophic situation ahead, an emergency signal is sent to the protective sleeve which deploys the airbags prior to contact.

In addition, the patent mentions a spring-loaded system help deter severe damage to the phone, and could even be used to flip the phone onto the airbags.

Here’s the patented design for the airbags:

And here’s Amazon’s original design:

The “seatbelts” for older cellphones are just simply a “bungee-type” belt that attaches the phone to your belt. When you drop it, it springs back into your pocket.

The “child safety seat” merely is a voice-activated alarm that says, “Give this phone to someone who is not a moron!”

ARLINGTON, VA – Physiologist finds that a popular mobile phone game cures chronic constipation.

Dr. Reinhardt Burchfield, renowned physiologist specializing in technology based therapy, discovered what could be a revolutionary daily therapy that can subconsciously alter how the body and mind deal with chronic issues.  Burchfield’s discovery took place where most great ideas emerge, the bathroom.

Burchfield had been a long time sufferer of colonic dysmotility more commonly known as chronic constipation until he made this recent life changing breakthrough.  He discovered one afternoon that playing the popular iPhone and Android mobile game Unblock Me while going number 2 literally did just that. It unblocked him.

“My wife would always harass me for taking forever during my routine 3 o’clock bathroom break. Then one day I decided to play this game Unblock Me and it was like my world bottomed out. I was in and out in five minutes compared to the usual twenty,” explained Burchfield.

Since making this discovery, Burchfield has enlisted several other sufferers of the biological backup to determine if the game could help them as well. He reports that so far the results are promising.

Burchfield offered this explanation as to how the simple act of playing a game could stimulate the digestive system:  “More often than we realize, the mind will take a literal statement and translate or actualize it into a physiological manifestation.”

Since the discovery, Burchfield has flushed his 401k, IRA, and entire stock portfolio to invest all of it into research to determine if other popular apps could help other conditions.

Based on the principles of his recent breakthrough and the game name alone, Burchfield strongly feels that there could be a connection between playing the enormously popular mobile phone game Angry Birds with those who suffer from anger management issues.  However, many of his colleagues who have actually played the game feel that it will most likely make things worse.

NEW YORK –  Android platform phones, or Droids, are  helping kids cheat in school.

Smart phones are all the rage and Android platform phones, often referred to as Droids, are gaining traction in the Apple dominated market. Apple’s iPhone App Store has over 100,000 apps to choose from but this figure pails in comparison to the 200,000+ apps that can be downloaded from the Android Market.

The Android Market offers a wide variety of games with popular titles such as Angry Birds, Jewels and Slice it! In addition to games, the market also offers applications to make your life a little bit easier such as email clients apps, Pandora , and social network based apps like Facebook for Android. However, one app in particular made life a little too easy for some children and created great concern for many educators.

The app “Give Me Your Answer” is one of the first apps of its kind to be offered with an ear piece. The concept behind this Russian designed app is that the user inserts the earpiece into the ear canal like one would do with a hearing aid. The user then simply asks a question out loud. The app incorporates Google’s Voice Search tool, which comes pre-installed on all Droids, and searches the internet for the answer. It then relays the answer quietly into the ear of the user. The concern for educators here was that students were using the app to aid them with their exams.

“After the holiday break, we were noticing several kids coming into class with hearing aids and found it to be quite strange. What was even odder was that they were all continually mumbling to themselves. But when our F students became A students overnight, we new something was up,” said Vice Principle Dilmer of PS 312.

Upon learning about the app, Google announced that it would remove the app from its Android Market.

“We very rarely will remove apps from the Market,” said Google CEO Eric Schmidt, “but this is app is just plain wrong. We at Google believe that the children are our future. We have to teach them well and let them lead the way. We have to help to show them all the beauty, I mean intelligence, that they possess inside. We have to give them a sense of pride and make things easier, but not easier this way.”

CUPERTINO, CA -  Steve Jobs “freedom from porn” statement caused a firestorm in the tech world, so he created the iPorn.

Steve Jobs is proud that both the iPad and the iPhone give users “freedom from porn.”  Jobs believes that the iPad and iPhone gives users the benefits of the internet without “the dark side.”   “It’s all about freedom, ” Jobs said.  “Freedom from programs that steal your private data. Freedom from programs that trash your battery. Freedom from porn. “

But tech guru Leo Laporte had an interesting anecdote on his series “This Week in Google.”  If you watch the clip, which can be found here (Episode 51), you will hear Laporte telling co-hosts Gina Trapani and Jeff Jarvis that while “there’s no porno in the world of Steve Jobs…  that’s not my direct experience of Steve in the past.”

Hmmm… what does Leo know? Gawker is putting together a wonderful bribe package that is certain to get Leo to spill even more beans.

Jobs has been getting flak about “imposing his morality” on users and has gotten into heated debates,  particularly with Ryan Tate of Valleywag .

SO, Jobs decided to create the iPorn. This is a handheld device solely made for porn users and aficionados around the world.  “The iPad and iPhone are for good, respectable citizens.  The elites among us that are brilliant, highly educated, and… precious.” Jobs took a breath and continued, “but I do understand that there are people who engage in low-brow, sinful behavior and Apple should meet their needs as well. “

When pressed by WWN, Jobs did acknowledge that the majority of people using the internet are, in fact, looking at porn and did admit that he himself  had spent over ten thousand hours looking at porn on the internet.  “Hey, that’s why they invented it, right?”

Jobs gave his speech to a room full of Adult Video stars, who stood up, stripped naked and applauded – some were screamers.

Jobs got excited at this point in the presentation and picked up his new handheld device. “We quickly created the iPorn, which is a device that is ONLY for pornography.  There will be NO useful information on it whatsoever:  no nes, no politics, no blogs, no e-commerce, no books, no magazines… it’s all porn, all the time, baby.”

“We just keep trying to delight and surprise our users,” Jobs told the porn-loving crowd.  “With the iPorn users can carry pornography around with them all day and use it wherever and whenever they want.”   An Apple slogan for the iPad is “it just feels right to hold the internet in your hands.”   Jobs has modified the slogan for the iPorn:  “it just feels right to hold porn in your hands.”

The iPorn will be available at Apple Stores on August 15th.  The lines are already forming with 25,000 people lined up at the Apple Store on 5th Avenue.   If you build it…

Another winner for Apple!!!

TOKYO – This year’s Japan’s Fashion Week featured not just new clothes, but an entirely new kind of super model!

Japan’s annual Fashion Week is known for it’s innovative designs and trends. This year, Japan’s National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology debuted their own revolutionary redesign – of the model herself!

DALLAS, TX – Republican presidential nominee John McCain announced Monday he will suspend his campaign yet again in order to upgrade his cybernetic systems. Sources say he hopes to appear more passably human before the final debate.

McCain’s need for an upgrade comes as no surprise to many insiders.  During the Oct 7th debate his GPS systems were noticeably damaged, causing him to wander aimlessly for much of the evening.

Last month investigators discovered that John McCain had many of his internal organs replaced with cybernetic systems.  Doctors believe his extensive cybernetic infrastructure is the only thing giving him a one in four chance of survival for the next seven years.

Glitches in the Arizona senator’s operating system became most apparent in Dallas when he answered an economic question by engaging his loafer-jets and repeatedly flying headfirst into a wall.  After a quick reboot the senator apologized and went on to talk about tax cuts.

The McCain campaign hopes an upgrade before the Oct. 15th debates will help the senator, who has been behind in polls for weeks, appear more modern and life-like.  GOP cyborg specialist Dennis Fiorino said “Our candidate will receive the most up-to-date software for dealing with twenty-first century problems.  After his Vista upgrade, he will be the best equipped to lead our nation.”