MEXICO CITY –  Americans, in the hundreds of thousands, are crossing the border into Mexico -looking for work.

There were ZERO jobs created in the United States last week.  Unemployment remains over 9.1% and if you consider all the Americans that have stopped looking for work, the number is closer to 20%.

The answer for a large group of Americans:   Mexico.

The Mexican economy is booming.  Many of  the illegal immigrants that  have come to the United States have turned around and headed back to Mexico.  Yes, there are drug cartels killing citizens, police officers and government officials, but there are jobs there and Americans are willing to take the risk.

“I’m not worried about the drug dealers, I need a job.  I need to take care of my family,” said Steven Rivera of El Paso, Texas.   Rivera’s family will remain  in El Paso, while Steven works in at a Tequila Farm in Baja.  ”I’ll only be making about $3,000 a month, but the cost of living is low.  I’ll be sending most of the money back to my family.”

Mexican Border Patrol has seen a spike in Americans running across the border into Mexico – looking for work.

But the MBP has  different approach to illegal immigration.  ”If we see anybody running across the border, we will kill them on the spot.  We will use as many bullets as it takes to make sure the illegal is no longer a threat to Mexico.”

Still, Americans are running across the border in record number, with only backpacks and bottles of water.  ”Many are making through the desert of Mexico and getting to Mexico City, but many, unfortunately, are not making it,” said White House head Mexican-American relations, Jill Bonderas, says that the Obama Administration is doing all it can to keep illegal immigrants safe in our country and “we hope the Mexicans are keeping the Americans who cross the border safe as well.”

Thousands of Americans are seen standing outside Hardware Y Siseno (the equivalent of Home Depot), hoping to be picked up for day labor jobs.

“Hopefully,  if America can create jobs again, and Americans won’t have to leave to find jobs in Mexico, but the trend seems to be increasing,” said Secretary of Labor, Hilda Solis.  ”But, in the meantime, we are sure they will have a good time in Mexico.  It’s so beautiful down there”

For Freedom! For America!

When it comes to things he loves – Bat Boy really only loves 2 things – Freedom and America … Well, causing a little mischief is up there – so we’ll say three things.

For years, Bat Boy has lead the charge to preserve freedom and has been a crucial puzzle piece in protecting America – sprinkled with the right amount of mischief. Bat Boy has been way too good to us and we felt the need to celebrate his unadulterated love for Freedom and America.

In honor of Bat Boy – Weekly World News is offering an incredible special at our online store – www.wwnstore.com. Enter the code – 07IDC04 – and you’ll receive 25% off your entire order. It gets better … all orders of $20 or more will receive free shipping! If that doesn’t say Freedom and America … We don’t know what does.

Help us celebrate along with Bat Boy the simple pleasures that we all enjoy in this wonderful country.

Happy 4th of July!!!

WEST BURKE, NH – Gun shop sells hand gun to an eight year old.

Federal law states that a person must be at least 21 years old in order to purchase a handgun. And most states tend to have the same age limitations. However, New Hampshire, known to be one of the most liberal states in the union when it comes to gun control, has no laws restricting the age at which a person may possess and carry firearms and little specification as to how old an individual must be in order to purchase one. In addition to the vague age requirements, New Hampshire also does not require state licensing for the purchase of any rifle, shotgun or handgun.

Earlier this week, Timmy Johnson, age 8, was able to walk into and purchase this 1951 Iraqi made Tariq 9mm Beretta from Bobby Joe’s Gun Emporium with little to no problem. And the most amazing part is that he did it all by himself.

Parents groups throughout the nation are appalled by the sale. Several groups claim that this lack of regard for the safety and well-being of the nation’s youth will only increase the potential for more Columbine style massacres.

However, many New Hampshire residents see things differently.

“If we teach are kids about guns at a younger age and show them how to use them, there will surely be a decrease in deaths caused by children and guns. We need to demystify the gun for America’s youth,” said New Hampshire native, Jim Grossman.

New Hampshire gun extremists groups feel that there is nothing wrong with the sale either.

“Several countries that support terrorism are enlisting children at a younger and younger age. If we do not let our kids get their hands on guns sooner, they are never going to have the same level of experience as those micro-terrorists.”

Several rouge militia groups throughout the U.S. have also come to the defense of Bobby Joe, stating, “American children don’t even seem to know what guns are, much less how to hold them or use them. If we do not change things fast, the future of our military and our freedom is doomed.”

Bobby Joe had little to say other than this. “He said he was old enough and I agree. What the hell difference does it make? Most of the kids in this country are pansies anyway. They all need to stop being coddled by mommy after they lose a soccer game, get their hands on some guns, and defend our freedom!

HANDENBURG, Austria - President Obama has been robbing Austrian banks to fuel the US economy.

Austrian authorities have yet to catch President Obama after a string of bank robberies that he has committed since the US economic collapse of 2008.

His most recent heist took place this past Thursday in the hamlet of Handenburg where he held tellers up at gunpoint and made off with thousands upon thousands of Euros. The Austrian financial system has been growing steadily, making it a prime target for the President.

While White House officials have neither confirmed nor denied the whereabouts of the President last Thursday, they did offer this statement.

“Just because a black guy is seen on tape robbing a bank doesn’t mean it’s the President. We really thought that everyone had already gotten over this idea that all black people look alike.”

However, tea party people across the nation are not being convinced so easily. “Obama is blowing money left and right. He’s just desperate and this new tactic to aid the US economy doesn’t surprise me in the least,” said Robert Minford, tea party activist and bank heist historian, “He has already robbed the American people with the US bank bailouts. What’s to stay that he wouldn’t rob an actual bank?”

Chinese officials are showing concern as well. “All throughout the state dinner last week President Obama kept asking President Jintao about where he banks and about the layout of his local branch. All the while, the first lady was giving President Jintao seductive eyes in that sexy red dress. I think she was trying to get him to let down his guard during the series of bank related questions,” said a top Chinese official who wished to remain anonymous.

It has been rumored that the President will pull together the cast of Ocean’s Eleven and Twelve but not Thirteen, no one saw that one so what’s the point, in order to pull off his Chinese bank heist; code name: Oriental Express. George Clooney, however, will not be able to do the job since he recently contracted malaria, again, which has really bummed the President out.

Completion of this holdup would potentially allow the US to secure its position as the number one economic super power as well as giving them the opportunity to buy back Alaska from the Russians. However, many Democrats are not sure that this would be the best use of funds.

“We finally found a way to get rid of Sarah Palin with the sale of Alaska. Why in God’s name would we want to get her back?”

Taiwanese animators are at it again.  This time they take on Hu Jintao’s visit to Washington.

Chinese President Hu Jintao is visiting Washington this week.

Taiwanese animators – famous for skewering all things American – take a swipe at Barack Obama and America once again in their new video.

Check it out here:

HAVANA, CUBA – Fidel Castro met with US lawmakers for the first time in years this Tuesday.  Political expert the Alien was on hand to assist with the talks. 
Washington is attempting to warm up relations with the communist country, including lifting the ban on American travel and the long held trade embargo.

The Alien, acting as an outside opinion, agreed that a furthered dialogue could be beneficial for both nations.

“The Cold War is long over.  There is no reason these two nations should not pursue a dialogue which could be mutually beneficial.”

Fidel Castro requested the Alien specifically to help mediate the meeting.  It was during the most heated portion of America’s relationship with Cuba that the Alien crash landed in Roswell New Mexico.  At the time Castro was obsessed with learning what advantages, technological or political, the Alien may be giving his cold war adversaries.  Finally seeing the Alien, knowing with certainty he exists and even talking with him, was the realization of a long held dream for Mr. Castro.

The meeting focused on the normalization between the two countries, and what that could mean.  Fidel and his brother Raul Castro believe that the Obama administration may be able to finally open the doors between the neighboring countries.

After the meeting Fidel took the Alien aside to ask about the part he played in “the old days.”  The Alien, although very polite, seemed very uncomfortable and kept giving the ‘help me’ signal to his fellow delegates.

The typically staunch communist leader seemed very keen on seeing improved US Cuba relations within his lifetime, and sent all the delegates home with large boxes of cigars and novelty military hat /fake beard sets.

I’m madder than a spitting camel at our new Communist-in-Chief!

First he goes to England, gives the Queen records of his own speeches, and lets his wife hug the old broad! (Like I said last week: at least Michelle didn’t try to give the Queen the fist bump!)

But then it got worse. The Teleprompter Kid met some A-rab king and bowed down to the guy! He didn’t bow to the Queen, did he? OK, the Queen doesn’t have billions of gallons of oil on her land, unless you count the vats of grease they cook their food in. But Sarah Palin has billions of dollars of oil on HER land and Obama would rather eat raw moose meat than bow to Sarah!

The A-rabs should be bowing to US! They use our army because they don’t have their own since the Israelis wrecked their old one. The A-rabs are good at chopping each other’s heads off for stealing a falafel, but they couldn’t win a fight with Jerry Seinfeld?

All A-rabs do all day is put on their weird Snuggie outfits and go shopping for diamonds and Cadillacs. The only smart thing about A-rabs is they don’t let their women drive, and if you’ve ever been in a Wal-Mart parking lot, you know that’s a good idea!

That’s who Obama bowed down to? If you can’t be bothered bowing down to the offspring of a bunch of homely, hemophiliac Krauts, why curtsy to the grandson of some illiterate desert bandit wearing a tea towel?

That’s what were getting for the next four years, my fellow Americans!
When the spacemen land in DC, expect Obama to kiss their little green feet!

NEW YORK, NY – Times are tough. The economy is tanking.  And some sports leagues, teams, and stadiums have imposed a ticket price freeze. Don’t kid yourself.  That trickles down to the athletes.  These guys aren’t making only small fortunes now.

So why are they not sharing in the federal bailout?   These guys are American too you know*.
*Except half the NHL is from Canada and Europe, and 30% of baseball is Latin**.
**Stop splitting hairs, you ‘America should look out for America only’ bigots.  Your hatred is ugly.

Did you know Stephon Marbury only makes 21.9MM??!!  That’s only $10.5 million after taxes, agent fees, posse maintenance, and excessive partying.  That $28,000 per diem has to sustain him for a whole 12 months!  That has to be his walkaround money for the year.  That’s unacceptable.

Instead of charities, public works, and infratstructure, can we please get our priorities right? The rumor out of the Bronx is that the New Yankee stadium nachos have only 2 kinds of cheese options, due to budgetary constraints.  Yeah, like having a 3rd grade art class is more important than that?

You ignore this countries greatest cross-section, you make them tighten their belt, and you watch how fast we become a 3rd world sports power.

How is a marginal athlete expected to finance his HGH habit?  How is a NFL’er expected to make it reign?  How is any NBA player expected to knock up groupies? If each of them does not have the proper capital to blow foolishly.

Come on, Congress. These guys are just like us (on roids), work almost as hard (for about half the year) as your typical factory worker, and have the same concerns as everyday Americans (who have won the lottery).  They board private jets just like the rest of us (would).

Stop ignoring their needs, and let us help them.  It’s the right thing to do.