Angry Gators protest on Wall Street

In an unprecedented show of organized protest, the well known sewer gators of New York City have marched down Wall Street to express their growing concern with the direction our country’s financial center focuses its efforts.

As America’s government continues to debate how to best balance the national budget and debt through taxation and the cutting of funds, the reptiles ask, “Who is thinking of the creatures that lie beneath the surface?”

It is unclear why the crocodilians have targeted Wall Street specifically. It may be that the creatures aren’t clear on the exact legislative abilities held by these financial powerhouses, or perhaps the downtown area simply has the most easily navigated system of sewer pipes. Either way, they have taken to the streets as the voice of their cause.

While no humans were injured during the march, several were startled to see the creatures wandering out in broad daylight.

Unfortunately, as the gators were protesting without a permit, several arrest warrants were issued. It is unclear whether there are plans for a second protest, though there are rumors that the reptiles are in talks with the Mole people and mutant rat population, and may host a sit-in later this month.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Harvard scientists are mixing chicken DNA with alligator DNA!

Harvard University scientists are mixing up chicken DNA to make “embryos with alligator-like snouts instead of beaks.” Great!

Arkhat Abzhanov, an evolutionary biologist at Harvard University, developed the chickens with snouts by cutting a square hole in the shell of a chicken egg and dropping in a small gelatinous protein bead before watching the embryo develop.

The changes allowed separate molecules on the side of the face free to grow into snouts within 14 days.

Although ethical rules prevent the eggs from bring hatched, Dr Abzhanov said he hopes to complete the work one day by turning chickens into Maniraptora.

By altering the DNA of chickens to resemble alligator genes before the beak developed, Dr Abzhanov was able to change the evolutionary path of chickens so that they grew snouts instead.

“Maniraptora” refers to a group of dinosaur-bird species that hung around Planet Earth during the Jurassic period. Apparently chickens are related to Tyrannosaurus Rex and used to have alligator-like snouts before evolving into the beaked, stylishly city-dwelling, frequently breaded-and-fried creatures they’ve become.

One potential outcome of all this tinkering with DNA, say the Harvard scientists, is that someday maybe they or other scientists can use their research to develop ways to “eliminate birth defects in human children.” Notice how they refer to “human children,” though, as if clarification is somehow necessary. Are chicken-children on the horizon? Or gator-babies with snouts? No breast-feeding a gator-baby, not with those teeth.

FLORIDA -  In a trailer park there was a showdown between a cat and an alligator.  Guess who won?

Not sure what the people in the video were thinking putting their cat in harm’s way of an alligator – BUT now we know what gators are made off.

Check out the videos:

CAPE CORAL, FL – An alligator was found trapped in a manhole, and mischievous mutant Manigator claims he had nothing to do with it.

Construction workers had stumbled upon the alligator when they removed the manhole cover to check some pipes. Trappers were called, who attempted to lure the gator out with recorded mating calls, but it would not budge.

Officials quickly turned to Cape Coral’s newest resident Manigator for an explanation, who played dumb. It is believed the half-man half-alligator mutant dared his cousin into going into the sewers, but Manigator is adamant about no wrongdoing: “No way, nuh uh, I ain’t (hiccup) never done nothing like that! Billy Joe (hiccup) ended up down there by himself, ain’t got nothing to do with (hiccup) me!”

Although clearly inebriated, Manigator was forced by the Sherriff to help in the removal process. He alone was able to lure the reptile out with homebrewed swamp water moonshine and issues of adult magazine Live Young Gators.

When police warned them not to play near sewers again, Manigator gave him the finger and scurried off into the trees with Billy Joe.