Did Al Gore get elected President after all? Cuz everywhere Al goes, it snows – and I see Washington is covered in the stuff!

They say a bunch of bureaucrats got the day off. Let’s hope the blizzard keeps up – the longer those dodos stay off the “job,” the better off we’ll be!

I’m surprised the Teleprompter Kid’s hot air hasn’t melted all the snow by now, though. He was on my damn TV set AGAIN yesterday. Dammit, he still hasn’t sent me a check for the new one I needed to buy when his face burned into my old one last year. Now it looks like that stupid Shroud of Turnips those Catholics pray to!

You’d think some of those people in D.C. never saw snow before. ‘Course, maybe Obama hasn’t, being from Liberia or wherever. But the rest of his crew is from Chicago, so they’ve got no excuses for whining about a little white stuff.

Hell, when I was a boy, we didn’t get “snow days” or any of that crap! We went to our little red one room schoolhouse no matter what. That “blizzard” they’ve got in D.C. is nothing compared to what we trudged through back in my day.

Kids today are such wimps. All they do is play at their damn video games all day, sitting in their baggy pants, eating Cheetos.

I hope the next bad guys who attack us are zombie skeletons with magic swords, cuz from what I can tell with these video games, that’s the only army today’s kids know how to fight!

Anyway, I’ll be waiting for Al Gore to explain how all this snow is caused by global warming, or else give back all his prizes. But I expect that won’t happen until Washington really freezes over!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

I’m madder than Helen Keller at a silent movie!

Now everybody’s laughing at Sarah Palin because when she gave a speech, she wrote some words on her hand.

That’s pretty rich, coming from people who worship the Teleprompter Kid!

At least Sarah Palin wrote her words the old fashioned American way, with a Magic Marker. She doesn’t need some fancy, foreign made machine to do her remembering for her!

And I’m pretty sure Palin wrote those words herself, and didn’t get some longhaired hippie terrorist to “ghostwrite” them, either!

If Obama can win a bunch of awards for books he didn’t even write, and Al Gore can get a Nobel Prize for a slide show, I’m pretty sure Sarah Palin deserves at least a Pulitzer for those scribbles on her hand!

Those lie-berals get crazy about the stupidest things. They’re so desperate, they want to ban Super Bowl ads now. I’m so old, I still remember when lie-berals were the ones who told us, “If you don’t like what’s on TV, change the channel”?

Back then, of course, the lie-berals were the ones in charge of the TV! Now that we right-wingers have our own TV station and so forth, lie-berals want censorship.

Commie pinkos!!

Anyhow: I hope next time around, Sarah Palin doesn’t even bother writing stuff on her hand, and just gives lie-berals the finger!

Want a little more Anger? Check out Ed’s own site at EdAnger360.com

I’m madder than Paula Jones with a leaky implant!

Leave it to Bill Clinton to travel thousands of miles just to meet two young chicks who can’t get away!

I guess being married to Hillary has to be pretty bad if it makes a fella wanna fly to North Korea! Hell, they had to draft me to get me over there, and let me tell you, it ain’t pretty!

Even I’ll admit it: it’s great that Clinton got those two lady reporters out of the clutches of that creepy little weirdo who runs the place. Who knows what crazy stuff that Kim Ding Dong might have had in store for them? I’m pretty sure that ugly mutt can only get girlfriends if he grabs them off the side of the road and keeps them in a dungeon.

I figure Clinton talked Kim Ding Dong into handing the ladies over to him, in exchange for tips on how to score with chicks!

But here’s what I don’t understand: one of those lady reporters works for Al Gore, at his stupid TV channel nobody watches. So why didn’t Gore, Mr. Nobel Peace Prize, go over to rescue his own employee himself?

Back in the good old days, Ross Perot paid out of his own pocket to get an old Special Forces colonel to rescue a couple of his workers from the crazy Iranians. But Al Gore, even though he’s just as rich and powerful, couldn’t drag himself away from his open (environmentally friendly) fridge to do the same thing?

Anyway, it’s a pretty sorry day when old Ed Anger has to congratulate Bill Clinton, but I salute the old horndog for a job well done!

I’m madder than Winston Churchill at an A.A. meeting! Just when I figured Al Gore couldn’t get any nuttier, yesterday he made a fool of himself again.

He gave a speech at some fancy British college, and told the kids that fighting global warming was like fighting Hitler.

Well, global warming and World War II both had something to do with “gas”, but other than that, I don’t get it. I didn’t drop out of divinity school like Al Gore did, and I didn’t invent the internet or get a hoity toity Nobel Prize, so can somebody explain his speech to me?

If the sun is Hitler, does that make the moon Mussolini? Are polar bears the Poles? Are cow farts the Kamikaze? OK, Japan was the Land of the Rising Sun but this is ridiculous!

Reading his speech, it’s pretty clear Al Gore thinks he’s the Winston Churchill in all this. Well, he’s fat enough, but that’s about it. I can’t believe Al would think much of Churchill’s famous cigars – don’t they cause pollution? Not as much as Gore’s Lear jet and two SUVs, I’ll bet.

So, is Gore planning on ending global warming by nuking the sun? Twice?

Besides, it was Hitler who started the first anti-smoking campaign. You’d think Al would like him for that!

The trouble with Al Gore’s speech is that nobody’s ever died of global warming, World War II wasn’t a scam FDR cooked up to make money (although I wouldn’t put it past the S.O.B…) and the sun hasn’t bombed Pearl Harbor.

Plus nobody has to hide their Cadillacs and those old-fashioned light bulbs in their attics. Well, not yet, anyhow…

Seems some movie star named Megan Fox did what Hollywood types do best:  bad mouthing the U.S. of A. to a bunch of foreigners!

Megan Fox is in some kind of giant robot movie, and she wishes that instead of destroying the world, the giant robot would “just take out all of the white trash, hillbilly, anti-gay, super bible-beating people in Middle America.”

This is pretty crazy, since Megan Fox herself is from Tennessee, where the smartest guy is Al Gore, a big fat idiot who wants the rest of us to use windmills while he lives in a giant mansion. And he gets millions of people to believe him when he tells downright lies, plus they give him money to say them. (Hey, maybe Gore’s not so stupid after all…)

I hear that Megan Fox has a bunch of tattoos in some Chinese language but she doesn’t even know what they mean! That sounds pretty “white trash” to me! I bet the tattoos say, “Isn’t it funny what round eyes will fall for?”

If Hollywood had any sense, they’d make a movie about “white trash, hillbilly, anti-gay, super bible-beating people in Middle America” giant robots! Hell, instead of giant robots they could be monster trucks, and their Bibles could turn into bombs!

And like Megan Fox, they transform themselves from white trash hillbillies from Middle America into stupid movie stars who hate the same people who pay their salaries!

Megan Fox needs to go back to standing around looking nice for as long as she can, which won’t be much longer anyway. When Hollywood is finished with her, maybe she could move back to Tennessee and take up snake handling or something!

WASHINGTON, DC – Elizabeth Cheney is likening her father’s defense of waterboarding to Al Gore’s campaign for climate change. She hopes that he will receive similar offers for movie deals and Nobel prizes.

Elizabeth Cheney went on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” on Tuesday to comment on her father’s recent media campaign to defend America’s use of enhanced interrogation methods, which some call torture.  In the interview she compared her former Vice President father to Al Gore, who after leaving office started a campaign to fight global warming.

“Al Gore is doing what he feels is necessary to make the world a better place.  Unlike Mr. Gore’s claims, we have actual facts to back us up that these methods worked.

“He’s out there advocating what you call torture because he loves his country!  There are evil people out there scheming to kill us in our sleep.  These methods have saved countless American lives.  He is a hero.  He deserves a Peace Prize more than Al Gore; all he ever did was scam people into changing light bulbs.”

She then went on to describe how her father was similarly thinking of funding a movie to get his message to a broader audience.

“It’d be like An Inconvenient Truth, only with more truth.  And also like, explosions and suspense like Jack Bauer on 24.”

Sources reveal he may likely receive funding from the producers of Wanted and Crank: High Voltage.  Michael Bay is currently slated to direct.

Liz then jovially recounted a time when she was 16 and her father had used enhanced interrogation techniques on her.  She had planned to sneak out without her parents’ permission and her father used several methods like waterboarding and stress positions to get a confession from her.  “If he hadn’t have done that I would never have told him about the party I was going to.  In the end I think it made me respect him more.”

I’m madder than a plucked pigeon! Did you hear they’re building a statue to Al Gore, down in Tennessee? It’s enough to make Michelangelo lose his marbles!

Tennessee wants to honor Al Gore cuz he won that foreign Nobel Prize thing.

Funny: Al Gore lost his own state in that Presidential election, but now they’re gonna build a monument to the guy. It’s cuz he’s the only guy from Tennessee who ever won a Nobel Prize – well, now you know why!

I never understood why Al Gore won a “Peace” prize anyhow, since his stupid global warming scam has caused millions of fights and arguments.

Scientists who don’t believe in global warming get fired and blackballed and bad mouthed – how peaceful does THAT sound?

Aren’t dictators the only ones that build statues to themselves while they’re still alive? Oh, wait…

Now some of you are thinking: a statue of Al Gore? How will we tell it from the real thing? He’s already as stiff as a drugstore Indian!

Maybe it’ll be like the Washington Monument, all symbolic and that. So instead of looking like Al Gore, the statue will just be a twenty foot dollar sign or refrigerator.

And what will they make the statue out of? Recycled polar bear poop? Corncobs from the compost? They could always stick an old tire around his middle to make it more realistic!

How much energy’s gonna get wasted making this statue, anyhow? Isn’t there a depression on or something – what is this gonna cost? Do they even have money in Tennessee or do they just trade beef jerky and chewing tobacco?

The best Al Gore statue I can think of will turn all the pigeon poop into hot air!

ANCHORAGE, AK – Ted Stevens International Airport closed this weekend due to volcanic ash.  Former Senator Ted Stevens believes it’s all part of a liberal conspiracy.

Mount Redoubt in Alaska erupted last week.  No deaths were reported, but Ted Stevens International in Anchorage had to close and several GOP members were seriously inconvenienced.  Former Senator Ted Stevens claims that it is a liberal conspiracy against his airport and other prominent Republicans.

Stevens believes that, like his several felony corruption charges, the volcanoes explosion was arranged by Liberals to smear his good name.   Bobby Jindal, the Governor of Louisiana, was left with egg on his face since only weeks ago he nationally criticized Democrat spending on ‘Volcano Monitoring.’  Governor Jindal was so embarrassed he needed warm glasses of milk and his favorite footie-pajamas every night this week.

Other Republicans inconvenienced by the eruption included Norm Coleman.  Due to the volcano’s eruption, he was forced to spend an extra two days with the girlfriend he had just broken up with during their Alaska cruise.

The Strom Thurman Memorial Leadership Retreat was engaging in trust exercises at the base of Mount Redoubt.  Once the rumbling started the group turned on each other, scrambling to get back to the vans.  No injuries were sustained from the eruption, but several of the members were later admitted to hospitals for bites, twisted ankles, asphalt burn, one minor heart attack from running 25 yards, and one man who suffered frostbite while riding back to town on the hood of the vehicle.

Stevens held a conference this weekend explaining his beliefs.  Due to the airport being closed only 4 people attended, and they were homeless people taking advantage of the complimentary bagels.

He claims that the Liberal Democrats, in conjunction with the Weather Channel, organized for the volcano to explode.  The Democrats in Congress sent a detachment of Imperial Guards to set up explosives, making the volcano erupt.  Then Al Gore, who secretly runs the Weather Channel to help pull off his ‘Climate Change’ hoax, covered it up as a ‘natural phenomena.’  All this so he and other Republicans would lose face.

Fox News has agreed to give Stevens an hour and half special to expose this and other Democratic conspiracies.

Stevens International Airport opened again on Sunday, thanks to the former Senator spending most of the day shoveling away ash himself.

I’m madder than a hippie chick who’s run out of hemp tampons!

Did you know Al Bore left his lights on during that stupid Earth Hour on Saturday night? It’s true: over at his billion square foot mansion, Crazy Al was running up his electric bill when he was telling the rest of us to sit in the dark like cavemen!

I’m guessing the light was from Al Gore’s open fridge!

These pinkos are such hypocrites. The Communist in Chief can’t even talk in public without reading off a plugged-in machine, but he wants us to shut off our power!

Without electricity, Oprah would be roasting her corndogs over a bonfire. Without electricity, George Clooney’s illegal Mexican houseboy would be pounding his dirty shirts on a rock in a river.

Meanwhile, everyone’s ignoring really important problems. I hear they’re letting all those crazy Arabs and Paleostynians out of Gitmo, and bringing them to live here in the U.S. of A. Just what we need: more foreign cab drivers who don’t know where they’re going.

Except they won’t have to work – the Teleprompter Kid is gonna give all these terrorists welfare and whatnot when they get here! Then again, we’ve been giving them fancy meals and letting them sit around doing nothing for years now, so what’s the difference? Instead of going to court, they’ll get to watch Judge Judy all day like all the other welfare bums.

At this rate, these terrorists will be working for ACORN in the next election, and asking Obama to buy them new houses and cars.

They should change the name “Gitmo” to “Get More”!

ATLANTA, GA – Following four extra weeks of campaigning, Democratic challenger, Jim Martin lost by an impressive 15 percent.

On Election Day, no single candidate received 50 percent of the votes plus one, so under Georgia election law, the race would bpe decided by a run-off election of the top two candidates, Martin and incumbent Republican Saxby Chambliss.

“This was an important race for the Democrats,” PhD Ape said in a statement early this morning, “with two races lingering and two seats away from a filibuster proof super-majority in the Senate, Democrats were fighting hard for Georgia.  Not only were their hopes of that majority dashed last night, so too were their hopes of Georgia turning blue.”

“Jim Martin is a good man and dedicated public servant.  He looks forward to continuing to serve the people of Georgia by doing… whatever it is he did before running for Senate.”

The run-off election brought out some of the brightest stars on both sides of the aisle.  Chambliss rolled out former Massachusetts’ Governor Mitt Romney as well as failed VP-candidate Sarah Palin.  Martin had the support of Vice President Al Gore in addition to political consultants Ludacris and TI.

Despite Ludacris’ confusing performance of his hit single ‘Politics’ in which he criticizes not only President Bush but also Hillary Clinton and John McCain, it was not enough to save Martin from an embarrassing loss.