I can’t believe it: Obama just invited a bunch of crazy foreigners to a Fourth of July party!

Our embassies throw Independence Day parties around the world, so this year, the Communist-in-Chief is inviting local bigwigs to come, too.
That means guys who work for President Achmed Dirtybad of Iran will get to set foot on our property!

That’s pretty funny, because Achmed Dirtybad first became famous when he and his friends took over our embassy in Iran back in the 1970s!

I knew Obama wanted to relive the Carter Presidency, but this is ridiculous. It’s bad enough he wants us to save electricity and drive ugly little cars and put up with crazy inflation like Jimmy did – but now the Teleprompter Kid wants to relive the 1970s in this whole new way! Next thing you know, Obama will be yelling “Kiss my grits” and wearing platform shoes!

I can see it now: a bunch of Iranian kooks asking for pig-free hotdogs at the cookout, or trying to barbeque a goat. I bet they bring their own fireworks, too – nuclear ones! And maybe they’ll burn an effigy of Uncle Sam, like they do every weekend anyway.

How can Iranian big shots celebrate something called “Independence Day” when they’re the same guys who lock up ladies who don’t wear bags on their heads? (Although I like their idea of not letting women drive – I guess they’ve met my mother-in-law.)

All in all, poor old Ed doesn’t feel much like celebrating this Fourth of July. Mark my words: they’ll ban fireworks and barbecues next because they cause pollution. Don’t laugh – that’s the first thing Hitler did when he took over. You can look it up!

Now I know making fun of Nancy Pelosi is like shooting fish in a barrel – but don’t go knocking that, my friends! You haven’t lived until you’ve emptied your Mossberg Persuader into a keg full of upstate pickerel!

Nancy Pelosi’s the third in line for the Presidency, which is almost as scary as Iran’s Achmed Dirtybad getting his own nukes! I’m not sure how much longer she’ll be such a hotshot, though. She’s in big trouble over this waterboarding thing.

I’m not saying she’s lying, but next time she visits her plastic surgeon, he might wanna shave down that Pinnochio nose of hers!

(Is all that stuff in her face biodegradable, anyway? I say Nancy Pelosi’s bad for the environment!)

Pelosi seems pretty mixed up about what the CIA told her about torture. Of course, it’s easy to see why: what some folks call “torture”, Pelosi’s pals in San Francisco just call “Saturday night”!

Pelosi really lost it on tv yesterday, getting all mixed up and waving her arms around and saying stuff like, “I was not briefed on what was in that briefing!”

I thought her face was finally about to fall off and show us all the wires and sparkplugs underneath! She cleared her throat so much I thought SHE was being waterboarded.

Pelosi was always mad at Bush and Cheney for “torturing” people, but the one’s really being tortured are all the Americans who have to listen to her robot voice coming out of her plastic mug every night on the news.

Nancy Pinnochio is a wimp! Her crappy book sold about five copies – but at least it had a spine!

I’m as mixed up as a she-goat at a Taliban stag party!

Now look: nobody hates Hollywood as much as I do. The place is run by America-bashing, draft dodging, drug crazed hippies. I haven’t seen a really good picture since The Green Berets.

Most of the time, Hollywood getting nuked would put a smile on my face. But now I hear that Achmed Dirtybad in Iran is mad about movies they’ve been making. He wants Hollywood to say sorry — or else!

I thought maybe he wanted them to say sorry for Howard the Duck. Turns out he’s mad about that cartoon soldier movie, where they made some old timey king look like a fairy. Also that new wrestler movie shows a guy tearing up an Iranian flag. Hell, I didn’t even know they had one. I figured they just ran a goat up a flagpole.

These idiots hostagized us back in the 70s and been killing people ever since, and I don’t hear THEM saying sorry. Nope, instead our new Communist-in-Chief sent a bunch of movie stars over there to make nice with Achmed Dirtybad – on my dime, too!

Funny thing is, if he took those Hollywood bigwigs hostage, nobody back in the U. S. of A. would care. Instead of wearing yellow ribbons, this time we’d put up signs that said YOU CAN KEEP ‘EM!

Besides, if anybody’s gonna nuke Hollywood, it should be America. We’ve already got too many foreigners doing our dirty work. Or we could nuke Iran before they nuke us. Hell, it’s just a bunch of sand anyhow – who’d notice the difference?

Anyhow, I’ve got this funny feeling we’re gonna see a new TV show any day now called “Everybody Loves Achmed! (Or Else)”.  Don’t you?

My red, white and blue blood is boiling over what Obama said about Rush Limbaugh!

At a meeting with Republican leaders, our new Communist-in-Chief said, “You just can’t listen to Rush Limbaugh and get things done.”

Heck, GOP poobahs don’t listen to Rush anyway, or else they wouldn’t pass those crazy bailouts. ($700-million for “after school snacks”? When I was a boy, we were lucky to get lard sandwiches. What are they feeding kids these days – caviar on a velvet cushion?)

And I don’t like the sound of that “you can’t listen to Rush” – seems the Teleprompter Kid’s planning to bring back that Hairnet Doctrine to ban my fellow patriotic pundits from the airwaves.

Maybe your Arabic copy of the Constitution took it out, but mine still has a little something called the First Amendment!

Obama’s just mad at Rush for playing that funny song, “Barack the Magic Negro”. But that song was really making fun of Reverend Al Shakedown. There’s a word for a fellow who thinks everybody’s saying bad things about him, and if I owned a dictionary, I could tell you what it was.

Rush and Obama have so much in common, I don’t know why they can’t get along. Both talk really nice. Both have their own airplanes. Both used to do drugs.

Obama says he’ll meet with that Achmed Dirtybad in Iran, but he’s scared of some chubby bald guy who lives with a bunch of cats and scented candles?

At least Rush is a true American and has the papers to prove it. Maybe the President won’t show us his birth certificate because “Barack Hussein Obama” is Swahili for “Big Sucky Baby Scaredy Pants”!

Can you prove it ISN’T true?!

I saw something crazy on the news today, and now I’m as mixed up as a she-goat at a Taliban stag party.

Seems a bunch of Iranians were protesting something or other, and besides screaming who-knows-what in their crazy language, they burned a picture of our new Communist-in-Chief. They even called him a “house slave” and other names I haven’t heard since that time I went to see “Mandingo” at the drive-in.

The way those Iranians were yelling,”Death to America,” I thought I was looking at a Sunday service at Obama’s old church.

Now, I may think our new Communist-in-Chief is a snotty little know-nothing whippersnapper who hangs out with trigger happy hippies when he’s not stealing other folk’s money – but I’m an American! I’m allowed to say that!

Not only that, but yelling at the President is my job, dagnabbit! So now we’ve got more foreigners stealing perfectly good President-hating jobs from real Americans like me. Obama isn’t even in charge yet, and he’s already making unemployment worse. Typical Democrat!

I don’t get it. We let that Iranian leader Achmed Dirtybad came over here a while back, and we treated him pretty good, even though he’s nuttier than a pile of elephant poop. All those liberals who cheered him on said if we just got rid of poor old President W., the whole world would love us again.

Well, so much for that. All these foreigners hate us anyhow, no matter what we do, because America is the greatest nation in history, period. And if you don’t agree, then you better be wearing asbestos jockey shorts, because traitors like you are headed straight to you-know-where when you die!