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TRACK AND FIELD TO BE RENAMED ‘ADULT GYM’


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Twenty-five years ago Carl Lewis owned the ’84 Olympics.  Actually it might have been ’88, but stay with me.

Everyone in America knows these names: FloJo, Jackie Joyner Kersey, Mary Decker, Edwin Moses, and that weird guy from Russia who won like 300 straight pole vaults.  But, somehow track and field has lost its way.

Drugs, other sports, doping, TV, doping and drugs, and the fall of the importance of the Olympics each have played their part.  Now the governing body of Track and Field, the GBoTaF, has decided to take a pro-active role, by hiring a marketing firm to ‘rebrand’ their brand.

As of 2010, track and field will now be called ‘Adult Gym’.

Said one official,”We really feel this will make us more relatable to adults and kids. Every kid loves gym, and what adult wouldn’t love to back to the comic absurdity of gym class, opposed to working at his desk”.

And the argument has merit.  Many of track and fields main events are gym class staples: the triple jump, long jump, sprint, and 800.  This reporter can’t believe they haven’t dones this earlier.

And going forward, who wouldn’t like to see the pegboard, floor hockey, and dodgeball added to track events.  It would make them more interesting, and increase sponsorship potential.

Way to go, adult gym. I look forward to your next meet, where all of you have to wear the same outfit, including the reversible shirt.

For more Shoeless Joe Jackson, and articles and videos that spin sports and comedy in ways ESPN isn’t allowed to, check out http://www.dailyballbreakers.com/ (breaking balls every day).