BASEBALL DURING THE RECESSION

NEW YORK, NY – Much has changed since Philadelphia locked up last year’s title. We have a new President, Conan O’Brien is gone from 12:30, and oh yeah, and a little thing called the recession has altered the financial status of Americans.

With fans facing hard times, how will this impact America’s pastime?  How will franchises get strapped-for-cash fans into the seats? Just this year, both New York teams open lavish new facilities?  They have built them, so will they (the fans) come?

To address that question, baseball announced today it’s new ‘Meet the Celebrities’ program, geared to generate buzz, and push traffic to the ballparks.  What’s different about this campaign? Baseball is using only dead celebrities.

Said commissioner Bud Selig, “We don’t think anyone, in any sport, has ever tried this, so we’re pretty excited”.

Using unproven DNA and cloning technology, the MLB is partnering with HGH Biometrics (a Tijuana-based pharmaceutical giant), to recreate anyone from the past, to help promote their game.  Said one club official, who refused to be identified, ‘Sure it’s dodgy, but we’re the Dodgers.  You may not come to see LA play the Pirates, but you would if you can meet John Belushi.”

Said an ESPN analyst, “I think it’s great for fans.  Imagine going into the bleachers in Detroit, and starting a fight with Joe Louis, or elbowing up next to John Wayne at a Fenway urinal.  This is brilliant.”

But not everyone is a fan, said Giants opening day celeb, Dr. Ruth, “I’m not dead.  What are you talking about”.

Sure there are kinks in the system, but this reporter cannot wait to go to Wrigley and drink with uber-fan, Elvis Presley.  Stay tuned.

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