NEW YORK – The Jets offensive tackle, D’Brickashaw Ferguson, has started a rickshaw service for drunken NFL Players.
D’Brickashaw Ferguson, who was in the car when Braylon Edwards was arrested for a DWI on Tuesday, had an idea to capitalize on the situation. “There are a lot of NFL players that like to get drunk when they go out and they can’t be driving, so I can up with the D’Rickashaw Cabs (DC).”
D’Brickashaw thought a rickshaw would be the perfect way to transport NFL players. “You ever hear of any dudes getting in a rickshaw accident? Didn’t think so.” Ferguson bought two hundred rickshaws to be placed near the practice facilities of each NFL team, and at each NFL stadium. “We’ll be rickashawin’ here and there.”
The purpose of DS is make sure all the drunk, drugged, or doped NFL players get home safely after a night of debauchery. “Braylon Edwards’ DWI was a real wake-up call for us, especially for me because I was passed out in the back seat. Man, what a party that was!” Ferguson said that it would be impossible to stop NFL players from abusing drugs and alcohol. “You can’t un-punt a punt.” So, he just wants to make it easier to players to drink and not-drive.
NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell, fully supports both Ferguson’s rickshaw service and the rights of NFL players to get completely obliterated. “Hey, they are young men. And when young men want to get drunk, there’s no stopping them. You can’t un-punt a punt.”
Not everyone is happy. Chang Woo, a pedicab driver in New York, is upset that D’Rickashaw Service is taking business away from him. “We here first. We pull football player better than football player could ever do! If I see D’Brick, I will smack him in D’Head!”
Las Vegas odds makers are now taking bets as to who will be the first on each team to use D’Rickashaw Cabs. Brett Favre spoke about DS. “I like drinking a lot of single malt Scotch after practice. And it’s good to know I can get a rickshaw home. I’ll definitely use the service. I think. Maybe. I might. I won’t… but maybe I will.”
Who will be pulling the D’Rickashaws?
“Rookies,” Ferguson said.
Watch the Jets clobber the Miami Dolphins in Sunday night’s game!!