ROGER CLEMENS SEEKS HELP FROM PHD APE

NEW YORK, NY – A former baseball great is seeking help from WWN’s best – will he help though?
At one point in his career, Roger Clemens was the most dominant pitcher in the MLB. He was a surefire Hall of Famer and he had etched his name in the history books of baseball. Up until 2008, his reputation in the MLB ranks was solid and his credentials spoke for themselves – seven Cy Young Awards, 354 games and two World Series rings. All that means nothing now.
2008 was the beginning of the end for Clemens. He went to Congress, walking tall, looked everyone in the eye and testified that he never used steroids.
“Let me be clear. I have never taken steroids or HGH,” Clemens told a House committee in 2008.
Wrong move! The former Cy Young winner has been indicted by a federal grand jury Thursday for allegedly lying to Congress and jail time is a strong possibility. The doors to Cooperstown have closed for Clemens. His legacy appears fraudulent now. His awards are tainted. To make matters worse – even in the face of adversity and certain legal punishment – Clemens is still defiant and arrogant. Digging his own grave at an alarming rate.
The indictment against Clemens is 19 pages long and rich with information, highlighting 15 utterances the government deemed false leading to an obstruction of justice charge. Testimony regarding steroids, HGH and vitamin B12 comprise three false statement charges and two more perjury charges, each of which could carry five years prison time.
Despite his arrogance, Clemens has had his moments of clarity and realizes his in a deep hole and might need a lifeline. Clemens has reached out to PhD Ape for legal counsel and guidance in this turbulent time in his life.
“I know PhD Ape is the best at what he does and he’s helped out numerous stars in the past,” Clemens told Weekly World News. “I walked into the fire and now I’m getting burned. There’s no doubt I need help and advice in this time and I’m hoping he’ll extend a hand to me.”
PhD Ape does like baseball, but WWN had a sense of doubt on whether or not he’d help the tainted Cy Young winner. PhD Ape confirmed our doubts.
“Listen, I feel for the man. He’s facing an uphill battle,” PhD Ape told us. “But there is no way I am stepping into that firestorm. Clemens defied common sense and acted under the leadership of idiocy. He made a mockery of the whole process and ultimately dug his own grave. On top of that, there is no quality I despise more than arrogance. Sorry Roger, you’re on your own.”