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PHD APE HIRED BY TEAM USA


TURKEY – Team USA has made a last minute addition to their “roster.”

The “Redeem” Team had one mission when they assembled – to bring USA basketball back to the top. They accomplished that goal with ease as the biggest superstars in the NBA came together to win gold for USA in the 2008 Olympics. LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, Kobe Bryant and the rest of the “Redeem” Team are not on this year’s team and Team USA will sport a new roster when they head to Turkey – the “B-deem” Team.

There’s no doubt that the team has talent, but it’s lacking the hype of a James or Bryant – with the exception of Kevin Durant. The latest crop of players is full of potential but lacks the experience on the global stage. Critics are finding any and every possible angle to criticize – poor rebounding, lack of experience, B-list superstars, etc. Despite all of this lack of support and criticism, the team likes its chances – more so thanks to the latest addition to the team.

Team USA has hired PhD Ape as a mentor to the team. Weekly World News has learned that PhD will travel with the team to Turkey and will be instrumental in helping this new team cope with any challenges they face overseas.

“Sure, we don’t have LeBron James or Dwyane Wade or any of the other high profile athletes, but that shouldn’t change our goal,” said Jerry Colangelo, USA Basketball chairman. “Team USA is assembled for one purpose – and that’s to win. We still have some of the best young talent in the NBA on this team and they are motivated and dedicated to the cause. They will face challenges and criticism in this quest, and they will need a voice of reason to help them stay the course. That’s why we have hired PhD Ape. He’s wise, unbiased and is the exact influence I want on this team.”

Colangelo has made it his mission to rebuild USA Basketball and help it re-achieve its glory days from the early 90s. A gold medal in the 2008 Olympics was testament to his hard work, but it doesn’t mean he’s stopping there. Hiring PhD Ape is just another sign of how committed he is to the cause.

“It’s an absolute pleasure to be asked to help Team USA in their quest to win the World Championship,” said PhD Ape. “There’s no doubt that this team is young and has never experience this kind of setting. The mind is an incredible tool and it will be my job to make sure this team stays focused and stays its course. It’s shocking to me that this team is considered by some as underdogs, but I have faith in these kids and it should be a great experience.”

Team USA travels to Madrid, Spain on Monday to begin their next step of preparation for the World Championships. They will commence action on August 21 and 22 when they face Lithuania and Spain.