George Steinbrenner, a towering figure in the sports world, died Tuesday morning in Tampa. George Costanza was arrested soon after in a nearby coffee shop.
Steinbrenner (1930-2010) dominated the New York sports scene for 35 years, winning 11 American League pennants and seven world championships as owner of the New York Yankees.
The Boss had been suffering from failing health, but sources close to the Yankees say that it wasn’t until recently when George Costanza, a disgruntled former employee, came to Tampa in an attempt to get his Yankee job back that Steinbrenner’s health really began to deteriorate.
Family members said Costanza had been stalking Steinbrenner for the last few days, begging Steinbrenner to allow him to become the team’s hitting coach. Costanza said he had come up with a new hitting stance, that he named The Fusilli which he said “would absolutely produce three to four home runs per game. Guaranteed.”
Costanza was seen outside Steinbrenner’s house at 6:00 a.m. this morning, and Steinbrenner died of a massive heart attack at 6:30 a.m. A few minutes prior, Steinbrenner was seen licking the resume envelope that Costanza had snuck into the house on Monday. Steinbrenner’s Chief of Baseball Operations, John Malley, said “George had a soft spot for neurotics. “A day didn’t go by when he didn’t mention Billy Martin,” Malley said.
Costanza who made a fortune with his iphone application, iToilet, which utilizes GPS technology to direct the user to “acceptable” public restrooms, went bankrupt in 2008 because he’d invested with Bernie Madoff. Since then, he’s been trying to put his life back together.
A desperate Costanza had been trying one scheme after another. He said repeatedly that he was “the least unhappy” when he worked for the New York Yankees. After pestering current Yankee manager, Joe Girardi, for the last two months, Costanza headed to Tampa to talk to The Boss directly. His decision ended in tragedy once again.
Costanza’s parents, Frank and Estelle, were not surprised when they learned their son was arrested. “It’s a miracle he hasn’t killed me yet.” Frank Costanza said. “He’s been given me one big heart attack for the last forty years!” An overly agitated Frank sat down in his barcalounger as Estelle gave him some soup, “Serenity now, Frank. Serenity now!”
When Tampa police arrested Costanza and charged him with criminal harassment and stalking, Costanza said, “Was that wrong? Should I have not done that?” At the Tampa police station, Costanza made his one phone call to Jerry Seinfeld, who said, “Georgie, you could have been doing nothing, but instead you wanted to do anything to stop doing nothing and now you’ve done something that is going to send you back to a cell where you will be doing nothing forever.”
Costanza’s first visitor to the Tampa jail was Bubble Boy who kept yelling through the prison glass, “It’s the Moors, you idiot. The Moors!”
Here’s Costanza’s previous attempt at being a hitting coach for the Yankees: