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CURLING HIPSTERS


BROOKLYN, NY – Curling soars in popularity and has become the new trend among the hippest of America’s youth!

The Winter Olympics are in full swing and America is transfixed.  Even sports once considered obscure are enjoying a surge in notoriety as Americans kick off the winter blues by cheering on the teams.  In fact one sport is so obscure and absurd that it has become the next big thing.

Curling has become the new fad with hipsters all over the country.  Entire blocks in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, were closed down this week for tournaments.  The sport was a natural fit for the hippest of the hip.  Curling has up to this point been so maligned and unpopular that it was a perfect choice to be co-opted and played ironically by the trust fund generation.  Also it is highly similar to the summer game Bocce, already popular among hipsters because it is usually only played by old European men.  Also the game is not physically demanding and can be played in skinny jeans or American Apparel leggings and and won’t damage vintage t-shirts.

Among hipsters the sport has its own subset of rules.  Many of these rules exist to make the game more ironically lame, thereby more appealing to the hipster demographic.  The game is often played on iced over streets in neighborhoods they are gentrifying.  Actual irons or similar items acquired from a local thrift store are thrown towards a desired goal.  Two teammates with brooms or whisks sweep away detritus or previous residents to clear a path.  A target is placed some ways away, but not too far that they’d have to actually try, usually an LP of an indie band or some kind of vegan fair-trade baked good.  Whoever gets their item closest wins the target.  Or the winning team is treated to brunch; the official meal of the hipster class.

“Man, you just don’t understand” said Kyle Roberts, a self proclaimed web designer/graphic illustrator/part time photographer/writer who has mostly been “finding himself” in the six years since college and a typical Williamsburg resident.  “It’s not that we’re doing it to make it cool.  It’s not cool.  That’s the point.  That’s why its fun, is it’s so lame and we’re recognizing that.  We’re not just slaves to irony, but… yeah whatever.”  When asked how he would feel if the game caught on and became popular he said “MAN!  See if people hear about it and it becomes cool then that’s just lame and we’d all stop doing it.”

Mathematicians at MIT are working on a formula to plot out the “so lame it’s cool” phenomena.  Unfortunately few mathematicians are actually cool enough to “get it.”  Lab tests are being done that include putting skinny jeans on monkeys.

Whether Curling will continue to rise in popularity or remain just a brief fad, only time will tell.