MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Al Franken was approved Tuesday to join the US Senate. The Democratic Party will now involve him in their secret plans.
The Minnesota Supreme Court ratified Al Franken yesterday as having won the Senatorial election seven months ago. Incumbent Norm Coleman, having exhausted all legal channels except for the Minnesota Thunderdome, finally conceded the race, saying only, “Next time Franken. Next time.” The Democrats welcomed Franken into their upper echelons of power with a decoder ring and other perks.
In a private ceremony involving robes and jasmine scented aromatherapy candles, Franken was sworn in as a Democrat with his right hand placed on the original hand-written Communist Manifesto, and standing atop a Bible. While waving olive branches, the assembled Democrats watched as Nancy Pelosi branded him with the words “Peace at Any Cost.”
Now Al Franken will have all the perks of the upper echelons of the Democratic Party. He will have access to the Democrat Library, which includes all the war plans of Jimmy Carter and the actual Kenyan birth certificate of Barack Obama. He also received a Democrat Decoder Ring, which also gives him a 20% discount at Pottery Barn.
As a Senator, Franken will now be instrumental to the Democratic Party. His presence grants them a filibuster-proof “Super-Majority.” Franken’s win in the Minnesota Courts places the Democrats even closer to pushing through strong reforms they’ve been looking forward, to like European-style Socialism, sex education in kindergarten and mandatory gay marriage.
When asked for comment, Franken said, “I’m glad that my presence will help turn America into what it needs to be: Europe.”