COLUMBIA, SC – Governor Mark Sanford returned to work after disappearing over the weekend. Photographic evidence proves he was spending time with his Bigfoot lover.
South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford sent the country into a panic this week by disappearing completely for several days. Aides to the Governor said he went hiking on the Appalachian Trail to clear his head after a tough legislative session. However, evidence confirms that the South Carolina Governor was engaging in an affair with his Sasquatch mistress.
This breaking news explains why it took Sanford’s aides 9 hours to respond to reporter questions about his whereabouts, and why he was clearing his head now over a legislative battle that happened three weeks prior.
Governor Sanford was seen frolicking in the woods with what his clearly his Sasquatch lover. Eye witnesses saw the two running hand in hand through a field of wildflowers this Father’s Day weekend. Later they were spotted having a picnic on a hilltop including various cheeses and a bottle of wine. Whether the Sasquatch is of legal age has yet to be determined.
Witnesses later saw the two watching the sun set, before retiring to a rented cabin. Records show the cabin was rented to a Mr. Bark Blandford. Owners of the establishment confirm that they received numerous complaints about noise coming from the cabin all through the night, and that it was left in such a state that the deposit was not returned. Cleaning crews sent in the next day agreed it was like nothing they had ever seen before.
Investigators wonder if the Governor also chose this weekend to see his mistress as it was Nude Hiking Day. The Appalachian Trail was filled with nude hikers this weekend, making it easier for someone to overlook a Governor frolicking with his Bigfoot lover. This plan may have backfired as the Sanford was initially spotted by the North Carolina Naked Birdwatchers Association.
Sanford returns to work today, trying to minimize media fallout from his mysterious disappearance. Who his Sasquatch lover is, and what effect she will have on his political futures, remains to be seen.