WASHINGTON, DC – It has been leaked that President Obama selected his next Supreme Court appointee.
Obama has picked judge Sonia Sotomayor to replace outgoing Justice David Souter. While Sotomayor’s liberal leanings come as no surprise, leaked reports reveal that in an MSNBC finale, Obama gave his “final rose” to the Latina appeals judge.
Honorable Diane Wood rivaled Sotomeyer in the final two potential appointees. Bordering on tears, the well dressed Obama gave the final rose and golden gavel to Sotomeyer, telling Wood, “I’m sorry, Diana, you are adjourned.”
Potential appointees were vetted through various challenges over twelve weeks on the news channel MSNBC. These competitions included:
– Visits to their home courts to interview their bailiffs
– Maneuvering a “Political Minefield” obstacle course
– A “Strength of Character” contest to see who could hold up 400 copies of the US Constitution the longest
– Interrogation by surprise guest Dick Cheney
– Competitive ballroom dance with foreign heads of state.
Obama’s choice was not a surprise, as super liberal Diane Wood fell out of favor by repeatedly referring to herself as “The Dragonslayer.” “That kind of Partisan competitiveness lost the game for her,” said James Carville on CNN this morning.
President Obama made his final decision with the assistance of good friends Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton. Both Clinton and Biden were happy to receive the extra media coverage.
Barring a Republican filibuster, Sotomeyer will assume her life-long appointment as a Supreme Court Justice and “American Judge.” After receiving her rose and gavel, she and President Obama rode away in a horse-drawn carriage.