TERROR WATCH LIST INCLUDES BAT BOY

WASHINGTON, DC – The Department of Justice has concluded that the FBI’s “Terror Watch List” has more than 24,000 Americans, including Bat Boy, incorrectly included.

The watch list, featuring nearly 400,000 individuals, provides  government agencies, civilian organizations and international governments the information necessary to prevent terrorism by identifying people of interest.  However, the inclusion of so many incorrect names draws a critical eye to a list that many believed to be based on the slimmest of information and in several cases, false testimony and accusations.

Of the 24,000 Americans the Department of Justice has determined to be incorrectly included, Bat Boy is one of the most egregious.  Previously named “American icon, top notch citizen, keeper of the flame, and all around lovable mischief maker” by Just Cause, the official magazine of the DOJ, Bat Boy’s inclusion on the list is especially embarrassing for the FBI.

“The Bureau actively and routinely updates and monitors the status of the list,” FBI spokesman Trudy Lindbladt said in a press conference called to address the controversy.

“We were disappointed to see the DOJ’s findings regarding our report but our resiliency remains high and our commitment to vigilantly protecting America and our world from terror and doers of terror.”

Bat Boy, it is reported, was delighted to hear that his name was removed from the Terror Watch List, although he claimed to not even know he was on it.

Lindbladt explained, “It is true Bat Boy was put on the List.  After a 2007 incident where he allegedly hijacked a passenger airline plane and attempted to reroute the flight to Disney World, Bat Boy was deemed a suspected terrorist and placed on the list.”

Attorney General Eric Holder, the head of the Department of Justice, stopped on his way into the office to make a short statement on behalf of Bat Boy.

“Bat Boy is not now, nor has he ever been, a terrorist or a member, accomplice, or aid of any terrorist organization.  In my opinion, and the opinion of the DOJ, politely asking a pilot to redirect a commercial airplane to Disney World is not terrorist activity.  It is simply the fun-loving shenanigans that makes Bat Boy an American Hero.”