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ARLEN SPECTER WILL NOT BE LOYAL DEMOCRAT


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WASHINGTON, DC – Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter was thrust into the national stage last week when he switched from the Republican Party to the Democrats. However Specter insists he refuses to walk any party line, as evidenced by his trademark series of ironic anti-establishment t-shirts.

Democrats were ecstatic to receive one more seat in their ranks, putting them at a potential “filibuster-proof” 60 seats in the Senate, and are desperate to stay in Specter’s favor.  But Specter says he refuses to adhere blindly to party politics and remains his own man.  His first appearance as a Democrat last Friday clearly illustrated his disregard for the establishment.

Senator Specter showed up at work riding a motorcycle and wearing a leather bomber jacket.  Parking lot attendants confirm he was blasting Kenny Loggin’s Highway to the Danger Zone upon his arrival.

In the Senate, Specter repeatedly held up proceedings with his newfound attitude.  As the Senate hearing began, he was reprimanded for refusing to take off his aviator-style sunglasses.  Specter had to be asked several times to stop putting his feet up on the seat in front of his.  He even went so far as to filibuster his own legislation.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi pulled the newest member of the Democratic Party aside to an antechamber.  Anonymous sources saw her ask where this behavior was coming from.

“I’m a loner, Nancy, a rebel.”

“What are you rebelling against?”

“Whattaya got?”

He then dramatically took off his glasses for approximately the 38th time that morning.

Back on the floor he spurred on Olympia Snowe by answering her every question with “RepublicanLackeySaysWhat.”  When Senator John McCain voiced his disapproval of such actions, Specter offered to settle their differences with a drag race around “Dead Man’s Curve.”

Even majority leader Harry Reid lost his patience with Specter, saying on the Senate floor, “Your mouth is writing checks the state of Pennsylvania can’t cash!  Just who do you think you are?”

“I’m Senator Arlen Specter and I’m outta here.”

The Senator then popped his collar defiantly and left the Senate.

Senator Specter’s whereabouts between Friday’s departure and his Sunday appearance on Meet the Press are currently unknown.  Whether or not he is connected with several high speed chases in the area remains to be seen.