WASHINGTON, DC – The IMF predicts a shrinking world economy over the next few years. This troubling news sent lard and cornmeal futures skyrocketing.
The International Monetary Fund announced yesterday its prediction that the entire world economy would shrink by 1.3% in 2009. This would be the worst world downturn since World War II.
At this harsh economic news certain stocks began to skyrocket. Cornmeal futures, overall producers, lard and other products associated with economic hardship are seeing excellent gains.
“With people the world over having to tighten their belts, simpler solutions to old problems are coming back into vogue,” said Elmer O’Daniel, third generation head of O’Daniel Lard Producers. “Right now the future of lard is looking pretty bright.”
Overall manufacturers and barrel factorie are working around the clock to fill orders from recently fired Wall Street heads looking for cheaper business attire.
Producers of anti-depressants like Paxil, Prozac, and Zoloft, are getting ready for a record breaking year. Pharmaceutical representatives refused to comment about suspected deals with the federal government to put antidepressants in the water supply just to keep the suicide rate down.
McDonald’s has stated it will soon begin serving Cracklin’s, deep fried pieces of pig fat. Head of McDonald’s Development, Charles Shephard, said, “At first we were hesitant to offer the American people a nutritionally void food like deep-fried fat. But then we thought ‘who are we to criticize the cultures who invented foods like this? Or consider fat a delicacy?’”
The IMF says that to combat the upcoming recession they are strongly urging governments to sponsor public works and elaborate movie musicals.