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TEXAS SECESSION


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AUSTIN, TX – Texas has seceded from the union.  Led by Governor Rick Perry, Texans and frustrated Conservatives are clamoring to Texas to start a new country.

Texas’ state congress held an emergency session on Thursday, and in a 180-1 vote decided to secede from the union.

Originally the Texas Senate opposed the actions of the State Congress, until the Congressmen asked if they would like to “step outside.”  After a brief scuffle behind the Capitol building, the Senate agreed and ratified the secession.

The new Republic of Texas is actively attracting those who are unhappy with the current US government.  Republicans who attended “Tea Party” protests earlier this week are expected to emigrate in droves.  Grief counselors had to be brought in to many of the protests as hundreds of Republicans realized they are now the minority.  Commercials on Fox News are advertising the new republic as “a Right-minded, God-fearing, *ss-kicking place to live.”  The Michigan Militia has offered to act as interim border patrol for the new state.

Texas was a republic from 1836, when it declared independence from Mexico, to 1845, when it was annexed as a U.S. state.  Kept in the state’s constitution was a provision allowing Texas the right to secede, which has to this point been purely ceremonial.

Governor Rick Perry made the announcement at a press conference Thursday afternoon.  Wearing a navy blue suit and carrying a Winchester rifle, Governor Perry announced that Texas would be its own autonomous republic.  The downtown Austin crowd responded with mostly polite applause and confused stares.  The same speech delivered in Houston later that day was met with thunderous applause and gunshots into the air.

The first orders of business addressed by the Republic of Texas were to set up a holiday on May 2nd where effigies of Gen. Santa Anna will be burned publicly, and to require all state business to be done wearing ‘coonskin caps.