JUNEAU, AK – Sarah Palin and Ashley Judd’s squabbling has descended into middle-school madness after only speaking to each other through the press.
Actress Ashley Judd is the face for a new Defenders Action Fund campaign against Governor Palin’s promotion of aerial hunting of wolves. In the ad, Judd states, “Palin even proposed a $150 bounty for the severed foreleg of each killed wolf. And now she is encouraging even more aerial killing. It is time to stop Sarah Palin and stop this senseless savagery.”
Palin has hit back through a released statement: “Shame on the Defenders of Wildlife for twisting the truth in an effort to raise funds from innocent and hard-pressed Americans struggling with these rough economic times.”
The two have now resorted to trading petty insults and name-calling through third-party reporters.
Thursday 10:05AM, CNN – Judd: “I won’t respond to her directly. You can tell that cow to get back to paying off her slutty-secretary outfits.”
Thursday 1:37PM, Fox News – Palin: “I don’t want to talk her either! Stick to making bad cop movies, sweetie. Or is she too old now…”
Thursday 6:58PM, CBS – Judd: “Take it back! So help me god, I will come up there and trash that god damn tanning booth!”
Thursday 9:16PM, Washington Post – Palin: “You have no friends and everyone hates you!”
Friday 8:32AM, New York Times – Judd, tearfully: “You’re ugly and poor!”
After reporting on the argument, The Today Show’s Willard Scott exclaimed, “Oh no she di’nt!” The group of hosts then jumped up on their desks and chanted, “Fight! Fight! Fight!” while Al Roker ran around in circles in excitement.
It has been decided that Oprah Winfrey will be brought in as a peer mediator, with talks to be held in the neutral location of QVC’s studio.