WASHINGTON, DC – Continuing the tradition, outgoing President Bush left a personal note to the new President Obama in the Oval Office.
Weekly World News investigators have uncovered a copy. Below are sections of the letter from President Bush, welcoming and advising the new President:
“If you’re brokering peace with Israel and Pakistan Portugal whoever, ask Miles in the kitchen to make those yummy crab thingies. People always love them and it gets everybody talking!”
“In case of an emergency, there’s a bag of chips taped under the desk in the Oval Office.”
“Amanda who’s in charge of laundry gets really cranky sometimes, compliment her hair and she’ll ease right up.”
“Ask Manny in the grounds crew about the luau. He’ll know what you mean, heh heh.”
“If the Vice President ever tells you ‘Not now, in your second term’, don’t believe him. He’ll forget and never get around to it.”
“Never let them make you eat caviar at a state function. It tastes gross and you’re the President, you shouldn’t have to.”
“Yell ‘GUN!’ some time and watch the Secret Service guys react. They hate when you do that, but it’s worth it!”
A full page was dedicated to explaining how to work the television in the living area. Three false starts were crossed out before the former President got it right, culminating with the advice “But you’ve got kids so when in doubt, just ask them. I’m leaving you a remote cozy to keep the clicker in. Otherwise, they can get lost pretty easily.”
Bush continued, “You know the office of the President can be a very difficult job. This book really helped me get through the rough times in office.” Sitting next to the note was a copy of The Secret.
Mr. Bush also left a note for the Obama girls, Sasha and Maliya. Inside it outlined people they would be running into, including who is nice and who makes the best snacks. He concluded the note with “Don’t ask the Secret Service men for piggy back rides, they won’t do it. I learned the hard way. The Vice President, however, is required by the Constitution to give piggy back rides to anyone in the First family, whenever they want!”
While departing away in Marine One helicopter, Former President Bush convinced the pilot to do a fly-by to the Capitol one last time.