ST. PAUL, MN – Minnesotans have turned to schoolyard protocol in a last ditch effort to solve their Senate conundrum.
Following a 2-month recount that has still not determined a winner in the Minnesota Senate race between incumbent Norm Coleman and challenger Al Franken, officials have decided on an age-old method to settle the matter – Rock Paper Scissors!
With ballot challenges fluctuating into the thousands, lawsuits being filed by both sides every day, and Minnesota voters unwilling to start the next session of Congress with incomplete representation, election officials have had a very difficult task before them.
Secretary of State Mark Ritchie endorsed the move as weather difficulties prevented the State Canvassing Board from meeting on Monday.
“We now have a concrete, time-tested, voter approved method of ending the debate over this election. Voters are eager to move on. They’re eager to start fixing the economy, the environment, foreign relations. And they’ll do it with whichever Senator wins the battle of Rock Paper Scissors in three throws or less.”
Representatives of the Franken and Coleman campaigns have confirmed that they have agreed on the referee for the match-up.
Former Minnesota Governor and third-party candidate Jesse “The Body” Ventura will act as the referee and oversee that it meets all the rules and regulations of the American Association of Rock Paper Scissors.
“I know some people are worried that I may end up throwing a Rock in the ring at the last minute,” Ventura told reporters. “But if I wanted that seat, I would have thrown my hat in the ring over the summer.”
“It’ll be a fair match and we’ll have a winner. No whining, no lawsuits, no appeals.”
Ventura has had to knock some heads after Coleman tried to weasel out of the competition citing carpel tunnel syndrome.