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WHITE HOUSE UNVEILS NEW AMERICAN FLAG


WASHINGTON – The White House reportedly is set to announce a redesign of the American flag.

Reports from sources close to the White House say that President Obama felt that the American flag, “like the Constitution,” was old and needed updating.

Here’s what the new flag will look like:

The administration is supposedly ordering all government buildings to begin displaying the flag on August 4th, 2012.  That’s the President’s 51st birthday.

“The old flag has become a negative symbol around the world and many people in other countries are often burning it in protest,” said an aide close to White House insiders.  “The new flag will be a symbol of hope and change for the world and the White House believes that there will be far fewer flag burnings across the globe with the new flag.”

The Administration feels that President Obama’s face immediately makes a person think of the best parts of America:  equality, fairness and respect.  “President Obama’s face is more unifying than 50 stars,” an aide to a Democratic operative said.  “Out of many, one.”

The President is reportedly planning on making a speech at the official unveiling of the flag.  In the speech, he intends to apologize to the world for the negative symbol that the flag has become.  “Our new flag is one that will bring the world together, in harmony, peace and love,” a senior aide reportedly told WWN.

The flag is already being flown outside the Capitol Building:

There are some houses in Lake County, Florida that got an “advanced copy” of the flag – and are proudly flying it.

But tempers are flaring over the new version of the American flag.  A veterans group says the flag is an outrage. Korean war veteran Don Van Beck said his blood was boiling.

“I can’t describe how upset I was because you just don’t do that to the American flag,” Van Beck said.

The White House appreciates Van Beck’s position, but his views will not stop production of the new flag.  The Federal Reserve has reportedly already set aside $300 million – so every man, woman and child in American can have a flag.

The Administration is also planning to sponsor an official “American” basketball sneaker:

America, America…