CHICAGO, IL – Obatma was wrongly arrested this morning for conspiring to sell Barack Obama’s vacant Senate seat.
Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich and his chief of staff were arrested Tuesday morning after the FBI revealed wiretaps exposing Blagojevich’s plans to trade the Senate seat for cash and a well-paying job for his wife.
Obatma was also picked up from his makeshift cave in Grant Park. FBI agents believed he was involved in the planning but were admittedly confused by his motives. Why would Obatma conspire against his own half-brother’s old seat?
Upon reviewing the tapes, the error was found. Obatma’s grasp on English, let alone any human language, is extremely poor. Obatma was able to explain through a sonar interpreter that when Blagojevich called, he thought they were talking about selling seeds for honey. Honey is very valuable in his home country of Kenya, and Obatma occasionally ventured from his cave to trade seeds with the honey hunting Ogiek tribe.
The taped conversation went as follows:
R: I’m going to keep this Senate option for me a real possibility, you know, and therefore I can drive a hard bargain. The seat is a valuable thing – you just don’t give it away for nothing.
O: squeak!
R: I want to make money.
O: squeak squeak!
R: Are you in?
O: squeeeeaaaaaaak!
R: Wow. Keep our fingers crossed. You’re the man. Good job, son.
Obatma was returned to his cave, but not before he was given five minutes to sit in the front seat of the police car and turn the sirens on and off repeatedly.
