SACRAMENTO, CA – At a press conference earlier this week, actor turned Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that California was in its own fiscal emergency. To help balance the budget, the Governor will start performing at children’s parties as his most popular character “The Terminator”.
On the steps of the Capitol Building, Schwarzenegger outlined his plans to help close the budget gap: state lawmakers would enter an emergency session to cut spending and raise sales taxes, while the Governor himself would start appearing at parties for children aged 5 and up.
Schwarzenegger showed up to the meeting in full make-up, as he was working a party at the Feldon residence later that afternoon.
“I was finally ready to let this character go but the needs of my people come first,” he said. Reporters in the front rows could see a single tear fall from behind his signature black sunglasses.
For the right price, families can hire The Terminator for their own parties, where children can play “Hide or be Terminated”, get a ride on his signature Harley Davidson, or for an extra charge dunk him in a vat of water. Adults will be able to hit him with a nerf bat while criticizing his fiscal policies.
Economists are hailing the immediacy with which Schwarzenegger will be able to put money into the state budget, since he is only paid in cash.
The meeting was called early so that emergency legislation could be drafted and Schwarzenegger could start squeezing into his old leather pants.