HANDENBURG, Austria – President Obama has been robbing Austrian banks to fuel the US economy.
Austrian authorities have yet to catch President Obama after a string of bank robberies that he has committed since the US economic collapse of 2008.
His most recent heist took place this past Thursday in the hamlet of Handenburg where he held tellers up at gunpoint and made off with thousands upon thousands of Euros. The Austrian financial system has been growing steadily, making it a prime target for the President.
While White House officials have neither confirmed nor denied the whereabouts of the President last Thursday, they did offer this statement.
“Just because a black guy is seen on tape robbing a bank doesn’t mean it’s the President. We really thought that everyone had already gotten over this idea that all black people look alike.”
However, tea party people across the nation are not being convinced so easily. “Obama is blowing money left and right. He’s just desperate and this new tactic to aid the US economy doesn’t surprise me in the least,” said Robert Minford, tea party activist and bank heist historian, “He has already robbed the American people with the US bank bailouts. What’s to stay that he wouldn’t rob an actual bank?”
Chinese officials are showing concern as well. “All throughout the state dinner last week President Obama kept asking President Jintao about where he banks and about the layout of his local branch. All the while, the first lady was giving President Jintao seductive eyes in that sexy red dress. I think she was trying to get him to let down his guard during the series of bank related questions,” said a top Chinese official who wished to remain anonymous.
It has been rumored that the President will pull together the cast of Ocean’s Eleven and Twelve but not Thirteen, no one saw that one so what’s the point, in order to pull off his Chinese bank heist; code name: Oriental Express. George Clooney, however, will not be able to do the job since he recently contracted malaria, again, which has really bummed the President out.
Completion of this holdup would potentially allow the US to secure its position as the number one economic super power as well as giving them the opportunity to buy back Alaska from the Russians. However, many Democrats are not sure that this would be the best use of funds.
“We finally found a way to get rid of Sarah Palin with the sale of Alaska. Why in God’s name would we want to get her back?”