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CHINA STATE DINNER WITH THE OBAMAS


WASHINGTON – Chinese President Hu Jintao will be getting the royal treatment at a White House State Dinner.

Wednesday will be the first time in 13 years since the White House has hosted an event that will honor China. US foreign relations officials are crossing their fingers that this black-tie affair will ease tensions that have been developing between the two economic superpowers.

As is with usual White House practice, the specifics of the event are kept secret until shortly before the event is scheduled to begin. However, Weekly World News has been able to uncover some specifics about tomorrow’s event.

Sources were unable to confirm the specifications of the menu but have been able to narrow down the possibilities into two choices. The event will either be catered by Philip Chiang, co-founder of P.F. Chang’s China Bistro or the Obamas will simply order take out from Grand Szechuan II, a popular Chinese take out restaurant in the DC area. Their egg rolls are to die for.

The menu may still be a slight mystery but WWN was able to confirm other aspects of the evening’s festivities. As guests arrive, fireworks will be set off and every guest will be given a lit sparkler to wave about. Michelle Obama will be wearing a custom designed, red, white and blue clad Hanfu. She will have her hair up, of course, and held in place with two golden chopsticks. It is unclear if she will use those chopsticks to eat dinner or not. In addition to the first lady’s traditional Chinese garb, the Obamas have decided to bind the feet of Malia Ann and Sasha just for the occasion.

The banquet hall will be strung with thousands of multi colored paper lanterns and each table setting will have its own unique origami animal that will represent each and every guest. As guests enter they will be instructed to guess which origami animal best represents them and sit at that place setting. This sounds like a disaster in the making if you ask me, but the Obamas know best.

Rumor has it that Chinese President Hu Jintao plans to follow in the foot steps of  former Chinese President Jiang Zemin and sing on stage during the evening’s festivities. Insider sources have said that Jintao has been practicing singing Guns and Roses’ “Sweet Child O’ Mine” and Britney Spears’ “Toxic” on his karaoke machine back in China. Let’s hope the band knows these classics.

Since dinner tickets are extremely sought after there is little chance that any of us will be able to attend. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that Washington’s very own Ticketmaster Ted will find a way to get a hold of some. You can usually find Ted just past the required 1,500 feet needed in order to sell tickets to the event.  You’ll have no problems recognizing Ted. He’s the one with the mullet in the Redskins jersey.