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REPUBLICANS TO READ BIBLE ON HOUSE FLOOR


WASHINGTON –  A day after reading the U.S. Constitution, Republicans will read the Bible in the house floor.

After Republicans finished reading the U.S. Constitution on the house floor, Speaker of the House, John Boehner, announced they would follow-up today with full reading of the King James version of The Bible.

Every Democrat in the House objected to the Speaker’s decision, many of them citing the separation of Church and State.

“The U.S. Constitution was based on the Bible.  Our founding fathers wanted the Bible to be an important part of daily life for members of Congress.  I intend to have The Bible read, in its entirety, at least once a  year, as long as I am Speaker of the House,” said John Boehner.

As lawmakers prepared for the first-ever reading of the Bible on the House floor, a brief debate erupted Thursday over exactly which portions of it should be read – and who should read it.

“We’re reading it all.  From alpha to omega,” said Boehner.

Eric Cantor (R-VA), the only Jewish Republican in the House, will get things started by reading Genesis. John Boehner has decided to read Exodus – “I feel a bit like Moses.  I want to lead my people out of tyranny and oppression.  I want to bring the two parted sides of the Red Sea, Republican and Democrat, together and lead them to the Promised Land of small government.”

Paul Ryan (R-WI), the head of the Budget Committee will read the Book of Numbers, right after Darryl Issa (R-CA), the Chairman of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform reads Leviticus.

Former Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi has requested that she read the Book of Job.  She’ll be wearing a traditional Muslim head scarf when she does so.

Although many viewed the reading of The Bible as a nod to the conservative “tea party” movement, which pushes for a return to a more religious government, many Democrats are fighting to read the part of Jesus, when Congress makes it to The New Testament.

“Barack Obama will read the Jesus passages,” said outgoing White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs.  President Obama wants to re-establish his Christian roots and as Gibbs went on to say, “there is nobody else in America more qualified to read the part of Jesus than Barack Obama.”

There are many, many Senators and Congressmen vying to read the role of Judas.  As of this writing, no decision was made.

But rest assured when John Boehner hears Michele Bachmann read Psalms, there will be weeping and wailing.

If you have any suggestions for passages of the Bible that a certain member of Congress should read, please comment here and we will forward to John Boehner.