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FEDS DEPORT SHERIFF JOE


MARICOPA COUNTY –  The Department of Justice had Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio arrested and deported yesterday.

The U.S. Department of Justice on Thursday announced it had sued Joe Arpaio, the controversial sheriff of Maricopa County  in Arizona, for failing to turn over documents in an investigation of whether his aggressive operations against illegal immigrants had violated civil rights. Shortly after, FBI agents went to Sheriff Joe’s office and arrested him.

In a bold move, that is sure to cause more animosity between the citizens of Arizona and the federal government, the Obama Administration then had Sheriff Joe deported.  “Sheriff Joe has been causing trouble for Mexicans ever since he was elected in 1992,” said Attorney General Eric Holder.  “We need Sheriff’s in Arizona that will treat Mexicans and illegal immigrants with love and kindness, not with law and order.”

For his own safety, Federal authorities did not deport him to Mexico.  Instead, they gave him a one-way ticket to Fiji.  He’ll be met at the airport by the leader of the Turaga tribe.  “Sheriff Joe will be one of us from now. He will spend the rest of his life making wooden bowls and grass skirts,”  said Chief Roku Katvadu.

“Hey, the President would love to go to Fiji himself, but he’s too busy with his vacations,” said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs.  “Sheriff Joe will be free in Fijiand illegal immigrants will be free in Phoenix.  It’s a win-win situation.”

The arrest and deportation of Sheriff Joe came two months after a Justice Department lawsuit halted a tough new Arizona immigration law, which Arpaio strongly supported. The deportation of Sheriff Joe is unrelated to the immigration law and stems from an investigation into the sheriff’s immigration enforcement operations.  “He’s just too tough on criminals,” said Eric Holder.  “Many criminals have had difficult childhoods or have had their hearts broken by their lovers. We need to be more compassionate and understanding. Sheriff Joe was mean.”

“The actions of the sheriff’s office are unprecedented,” said Thomas E. Perez, assistant attorney general for the civil rights division, in a statement.  “I think he should have been locked up in his own jail for the rest of his life, but I guess if he’s in Fiji making bowls, he can’t do any damage here.”

Arpaio is the first American citizen to be deported by the Federal Government.  “Hey, President Obama likes to be the first at everything, ” said Rahm Emanuel.

Arpaio was unavailable for comment, he was busy getting a pig bone rammed through his nose.

Here’s a video about Sheriff Joe’s Tent City Jail.  He denied prisoners television.  Something that Eric Holder called “torture.”