Rhinebeck, NY – Bill Clinton threw a wild bachelor party last night for his future son-in-law, Marc Mezvinsky. Chelsea Clinton wasn’t happy.
Bill Clinton insisted on throwing a bachelor party for his future son-in-law, over the strong objections of his beautiful daughter, Chelsea. But when Bill wants something, Bill gets it. And what he wanted was… girls, girls, girls!
The former President brought in seventy-five strippers, pole dancers, and contortionists to the “whipped-cream” themed party held for Marc Mezvinsky at the Veranda House in Rhinebeck. Marc was reluctant, but Bill told him, “You’re a Clinton now son, so you have to embrace the Clinton traditions.”
Mezvinsky informed Bill that Chelsea was taking his last name, “She’s dropping the Clinton entirely, sir.” A naked Bill Clinton stood up, dropped the stripper off his lap and punched Mezvinsky in the face, “The hell she is! She’s never taking your name, unless you run for President or she runs for President, then she’ll take your name, but that’s just because the moron voters of America like it that way. She’ll always be a Clinton. Now go get me some more grain alcohol”
Clinton did a fuzzy navel jell-o shot off a half-naked bartender, but she scolded him. “My navel isn’t that low, Mr. President.” Al Gore showed up at the Bachelor Party with a gaggle of massage therapists. During the party Gore had several happy ending massages. He also had happy ending pole-dances, a happy ending game of pool and a happy ending coat-check. As a gift to the groom, Gore wanted to personally give Mezvinsky a happy ending, but Mezvinsky was too busy trying to keep Gina Gershon from pulling his pants down. Gershon was at the party as a “favor” to Bill.
Surprisingly, Hillary Clinton decided to attend. “Why should Bill and Marc have all the fun?” Hillary, dressed as a stripper, was rolled out in a cage. She did a burlesque striptease for her future son-in-law, who tried to look away, but James Carville held his head in place. “Look at your mother-in-law. You try and tell me that ain’t the next President of the United States!”
In an incoherent and rambling speech, Bill Clinton said that he was giving Marc a nickname. “Everyone calls me Bubba, so I think it’s only fitting that Marc have a similar name. From now on you’ll be known as Boo-Boo. We’ll be Bubba and Boo-Boo. Now go get me some weed!”
The lowlight of the night was when George H.W. Bush and George W. Bush showed up and did The Full Monty for the crowd. But Hillary couldn’t take her eyes off W. “I think I’m in love. Either that or I’m in hell.” After Bill passed out cigars to all the guys, the party quickly got out of hand and… well, WWN can’t reveal everything that happened but a lot of girls are going to be saving their blue dresses.
Some pictures from the bash: