AUSTRIA – In a secret swap on the tarmac of the Vienna airport, Russia and the United States returned their respective spies: Vladmir Putin and Sarah Palin.
In the saga that gripped America, members of a Russian spy ring were recently busted by the FBI and were returned to their masters in Moscow following a swap in Austria. Four Russian prisoners were whisked to freedom in a Russian jet, the Yak-42. But it wasn’t until Sunday after the Russian spy ring leader, the sultry Sarah Palin, was handed back over to Russia that the saga finally came to an end.
The Obama Administration wasted no time in handing over Sarah Palin to the Russians.
Anna Chapman, the redhead whose role in the spy scandal has carried her to celebrity status, called Palin as soon as she landed in Moscow. “Put the lipstick on the pig, our eagle has landed!” The Russian Web site LifeNews.ru reported that Chapman handed Palin a gift – Russian stacking dolls that featured Palin stacked inside McCain stacked inside Levi Johnston stacked inside Obama.
David Axelrod said on Fox News Sunday that Palin had been a sleeper agent in the United States for the last ten years. “Actually, the CIA has her categorized as a deep sleeper.” Axelrod went on to tell Wallace that the only one in the government that knew Sarah Palin was a spy was John McCain. But McCain overlooked this information because “she has great legs.”
Vladimir Putin, on the other hand, was actually born Vinny Cacciatori in Bayonne, New Jersey in 1952. He spent his youth smashing parking meters in Hoboken, and in the 1980s joined the Lucchese crime family. Putin, known as “Vinny the Chest,” was arrested at the Stiletto Strip Club in Carlstadt, NJ in 1987, but instead of entering the Witness Protection Program he agreed to become an American spy in Russia. He quickly rose to the head of the KGB and President of the Russian Federation. He was the Prime Minister of Russia when the swap was made. When Putin’s childhood friend, Jimmy “The Hamster” Amato, heard about the news he said, “I’m proud of Vin. He done good. Now give me your jelly donut, or I’ll crack your head.”
Some at the CIA are speculating that Putin and Palin are the same person. CIA codebreaker, Tim Burns, said “you swap the ‘ut’ for the ‘al’ and they are identical.” Others have pointed out that Putin and Palin both love to hunt and fish and both love to walk around topless in the woods.
When Palin arrived at her new apartment in Moscow she exclaimed, “I can see Alaska.” Weekly World News confirmed that it is not possible for Sarah to see her house, but WWN learned that the KGB has been writing Sarah’s speeches for years. “It’s amazing what the American people will believe,” a KGB spokesperson said.
Palin will be joining The Moscow Circus where she’ll be training Mama Grizzlies.
Putin is back in Bayonne, where he is planning on opening a Pizza & Borscht shop.