NASHVILLE, TN – Sarah Palin caught cheating at the keynote address at the Tea Party convention. Incident will go on her permanent record.
Over the weekend former Governor Sarah Palin delivered the keynote address to the first annual Tea Party convention in Tennessee. She spoke about several topics including how Democrat policies will turn the country into a socialist post apocalyptic wasteland, general conservative talking points, and who is allowed to use the word “Retard.” For ten minutes she made jokes about President Obama and his dependence on teleprompters. Photographic evidence has shown that she was also given notes during her speech, but wrote them on her hand. If this will affect her standing with the arch-conservative Tea Party remains to be seen, as they have yet to correctly use the term “Irony.”
Palin criticized Democratic policies for nearly an hour without ever being too specific. Most of her political critique consisted of “Democrats are like this…” then repeating quotes in a silly voice while crossing her eyes and flailing her arms. The crowd loved it. “I mean, Socialized Healthcare, Oh my god! Right?” She continued “And President Obama, what kind of butthead can be President for a year and get nothing done? I’m not going to reduce myself to name calling here, I’m just asking a question. His actions are leading this country straight into chaos and it will take serious measures to get us back on track!”
She mentioned that Rahm Emmanuel should be fired for referring to people as “Retards.” She also said that it’s okay when Rush Limbaugh calls his opponents “Retards.” “Because he’s Rush, ya know? When he says it, it’s, you know, whatever! You get it, right crowd?” The crowd cheered in support of her argument. After her speech she asked everyone to friend her on facebook and twitter.
Though Democrats are criticizing Palin for writing notes on her hand, and referring to them often when she was asked questions, it is unlikely she will face any repercussions within the Republican party. One insider states “she’s just way to popular to get in trouble.” Another anonymous source says, “Oh yeah, when you’re that popular and pretty, people let you get away with anything. Like last year she totally lost her son, then three months later found him in the back of a closet. Everybody just covered for her afterwords.”
Talk of succession was rampant, despite not being on the official agenda. Overall the week long event led to a stronger and more polarized Tea Party as a whole, unified by the poor decisions made after “discount moonshine happy hours” at local bars.