WASHINGTON, DC – Scott Brown will be sworn in today, ahead of schedule. CSPAN is expecting the sexiest Senate inauguration ever!
Massachusetts Republican Scott Brown will be sworn into the Senate later today, a week ahead of schedule. Brown insisted on moving the timetable up, saying “There’s so much that needs to be done for our country. I can’t wait anymore! This country has problems, I want to sink my teeth in and get to work.”
Brown won an upset victory to fill the Senate seat left by the late Ted Kennedy. Since then Republicans have been enamored with their new shining star. “He’s like a white night,” said one anonymous female Republican, “riding in on his massive stead to save us. Please, please save us Mr. Brown… Mmm… Oh! I’m sorry, what were we saying?” Planners attempted to have Scott Brown ride in for his inauguration on a white horse, but that would violate zoning ordinances. Brown may, however, still wear an open poets shirt and leather pants.
“There are problems in the country,” Brown said in a statement. “These problems are deeply rooted in our system. As your representative I’m going to do whatever it takes to meet your needs. The issues are there, buried under mountains of red tape. But I’m going to get in there, deep inside, and hammer away at these problems until our government makes sense again!”
The Brown Senatorial office is setting records with the number of interns who have applied to work there, and housewives asking if they can volunteer. Brown has said he will thank everyone that works for his office personally, with chocolates and a signed photo if he can’t be there in person.
Scott Brown’s inauguration will be the most highly attended in recent history. It will also be the first time in decades a Senator has been sworn in bare chested. CSPAN has confirmed they will be using a soft focus on all their cameras for the event.