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JAMES O’KEEFE


NEW ORLEANS, LA – Conservative icon James O’Keefe was arrested while trying to tap a Democrat Senator’s phone.

O’Keefe and company were caught mid way through a caper police described as “almost crazy enough to work.”

James O’Keefe rose to national prominence for his expose on ACORN.  Using several hidden cameras O’Keefe, a clean shaven young white man from an upper class family in New Jersey, dressed as a 1970′s pimp and entered several ACORN offices asking for help starting his “business.”  Even more impressive than the fact he was never assaulted for wearing such racist attire in public is that the people at ACORN couldn’t tell it was a costume and actually gave him advice.

On Monday O’Keefe and three of his cohorts were arrested at the offices of Senator Mary Landrieu.  O’Keefe was dressed as a “typical liberal” and two of his friends as telephone repairmen.  Office workers became suspicious and alerted authorities based on their incredibly fake mustaches.

According to witnesses O’Keefe scheduled an appointment with the Senator on Monday under an alias.  He walked into the office claiming to be “a typical liberal, wanting to help my fraudulently elected representative push forward the liberal agenda.”  He wore khaki’s, Birkenstocks, a sport coat with several liberal pins that read “Have you Hugged a Terrorist today?,” and a t-shirt that said “I (heart) Abortions.”

O’Keefe had just arrived in Landrieu’s office when two men walked in claiming to be telephone repairmen.  Said one of Landrieu’s staff,  “They looked more like repairmen out of a porno movie, with their bad costumes and cheesy mustaches.  My husband works in phone repair, I know they don’t look like that.”

O’Keefe kept talking loudly about his desire to start handing out condoms in elementary schools to distract the Senator while the two other men inspected her phone.  Police soon arrived on the scene to ask the young men what was going on.  In the panic that followed their fourth accomplice, a Mr. Robert Flanagan, then fell through the ceiling from an air duct wearing all black and carrying surveillance equipment.  He had been attempting to land on the police officers to provide a means of escape, but missed them by 10 feet and gave himself a bloody lip.  O’Keefe then took something from his pocket and threw it on the ground, yelling “Smoke Bomb!” which produced only two light puffs of smoke before fizzling out.  Police arrested the four men on site.

Evidence shows that the men tried to set up an illegal wiretap on the Senator’s phone lines, which is a felony.  Their lawyers insist that nothing they did was in any way wrong.  “It was poor judgement,” said Flanagan’s lawyer, Garrison Jordan.  “I don’t think there was any intent or motive to commit a crime.”  Critics applaud this as a brave legal defense, considering the defendants were caught while performing a crime.

O’Keefe himself issued a statement “These ‘Felony’ charges,” he said, making air quotes as well as he could in handcuffs,  “are just being trumped up by the media to discredit another conservative voice.  The only thing we are guilty of is trying to make America a better place.  We went into the Senator’s office to prove her corruption with wiretaps and surveillance equipment.  Since when is that wrong?  In the end it serves the greater good.  Every citizen should make it their responsibility to rent costumes and invade the offices of liberal officials.  It’s the sort of values this country was founded on!  Veritas!  Veritas!  Oh how the truth will set me free!”

Prosecutors would expect an open and shut case, but the families of all four defendants are rich so the case could go either way.