WASILLA, AK – Sarah and Bristol Palin were paid 100k for appearing on the InTouch Weekly cover. Weekly World News has uncovered what they spent the money on.
InTouch magazine paid the two $100,000 for an 8 hour photo shoot. The shoot took place in their own home, mostly while they were going about their normal business. Guinness has contacted Bristol for setting the record for the most money earned for doing the least amount of work by any teenage single mother with only a high school diploma.
Through the cunning use of investigative reporting and calling their house pretending to be the President of France, Weekly World News reporters have discovered what the Palins are spending the money on.
- Snowmobiles. “Ya know, we call ‘em Snowmachines out here. But by golly you can never have too many of ‘em! They also look great in the living room as a conversation piece.”
- A sensory deprivation tank. “With being a public figure, all the personal appearances I make (those are 100k a pop too), and now being a contributor with Fox News (my contract would make Katie Couric cry), I have a lot going on. It’s really stressful! So I like to come here and just not think for a while. I could lay in this thing and not think all day, it’s great.”
- A matching set of Wolfskin Snuggies for the family. “Actually these weren’t that hard. We hunted the wolves ourselves from a helicopter. Then we went to old Jim the taxidermist and said ‘Hey! Can you make us some Snuggies?’ It’s like staying cozy warm and celebrating the 2nd Amendment all at once, dontcha know!”
- A community college education for Bristol. “We only want the best for our little girl. So she’s going to start classes at the Wasilla Community College next term. That should really prepare her for the world, without risking one of those big liberal brainwashing colleges. We don’t want her coming back smelling like patchouli, burning her bra and watching Keith Olbermann.”