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GIULIANI RUNNING FOR SENATE


NEW YORK, NY – Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani is preparing to run for Senate in 2010, and President in 2012.

Giuliani announced yesterday that he plans on running for New York Senator in 2010.  He also said that if this was successful he would then run for the White House two years later “to get America back on track!”  He made these announcements standing on top of a box on a street corner in lower Manhattan.

Former Mayor and Republican Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani stood on a box draped in a flag for hours yesterday.  Onlookers were highly confused at the sight as they passed by going about their business.  Many started leaving spare change in a cup by his feet.

Giuliani continued to shout Republican talking points at anyone who would listen for seven straight hours.  After that, he just started shouting “9/11!  9/11!” over and over again.  At more than one point he was almost collected by police as a homeless person to be shipped to New Jersey, a policy he put into practice.

In the evening, once he had been washed off and redressed by assistants, he made an official press conference.  He insisted on still draping himself in the American flag, despite strong opinions by his staff.  Entering the stage he could be seen tugging on one end of it while his personal assistant tried to take it from him, saying “Mine.  MINE!” until eventually she let go.  Giuliani took to the stage and tried not to chew on the corner of his flag while laying out his plans to eventually become the most powerful man in the world.

Key to funding these two massive political races was his plan to copyright the phrase “9/11.”

“We will show America that we have not forgotten.  That we will never forget.  And by the grace of God we will continue to let one tragedy define us for the rest of our lives!”  The crowd went into an awkward silence and Mr. Giuliani left the stage.  He was last seen campaigning in the early hours of the morning at the bus station.