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HEALTH CARE BILL PUSHED TO 2010


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WASHINGTON, DC – The Health Care Bill may not be ready until 2010.  President Obama has threatened to take away Senators’ winter vacation as a result.

Due to several problems, setbacks, and comprimises, the Senate is way past their deadlines with getting the Health Care Bill pushed through.  President Obama is furious that what was supposed to be one of the pillars of his domestic policy is still waiting in legislative limbo.  As a result he has threatened to enact a little known executive power and take away the Senate’s winter vacation.

“I do not want to speak to the Senate out of anger,” said Obama in a press conference.  “But I will say that I am very disappointed.”  At hearing this all Senators present became very uncomfortable and hung their heads low.

Naturally there has been a backlash against the President.  Some Democratic allies are saying the bills are making headway, and were only made a few days late after the Senate went on a massive bender last week.  The President has remained unsympathetic to the hangover excuse.  Republicans are up in arms, saying the action would be “cruel” and “unconstitutional.”

“What the President is trying to do violates the law, and our contract with the American people,” said Saxby Chambliss of Georgia.  “Just because we haven’t done what he calls ‘Our Job’ doesn’t mean he can take away our vacation!”  Republican Senators are protesting by staging a lunch sit-in at a 5 star restaurant later today.

The right wing blogosphere is jumping with rumors that the President is going to cancel Christmas is Health Reform does not get passed.  Fox News provided all day coverage on the rumor.  White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs made an announcement stating that the President has no intention of canceling Christmas, or any other holiday.  The hosts of Fox and Friends countered by saying, “Well that’s exactly what he wants you to think!”

If Republican politicians are not allowed to take winter vacations, entire ski towns may go bankrupt.  Vail, Aspen, and Breckenridge are on a short list of townships who rely on Republican officials coming once a year and spending money on hotels with champagne fountains and gold rimmed toilets.  Without the annual support of wealthy politicians, these towns will go under.  The Colorado Masseuse and Grape Peelers Union filed an official complaint with the Presidents proposed action.

President Obama will be in meetings with Nancy Pelosi later today to try and reach a comprimise, a reasonable set of goals that the Senate will have to achieve in order to receive a winter vacation.  For each day they actually get legislative work done, the Senate will receive a gold star sticker on the President’s calendar.