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HOUSE HEALTH CARE BILL


health_care_bill

WASHINGTON, DC – Democrats finally presented the health care reform bill yesterday and then celebrated into the early hours this morning.

The health care reform bill has been finalized and is ready to be voted on for house and senate approval.  This marks a milestone for Democrats, and is a huge step towards replacing an industry run by large corporations with a government run bureaucracy.  If the bill is passed, it will be the first major legislation the Democrats have been able to pass after gaining their Super-Majority nearly a year ago.

To celebrate Democrat leadership went on a massive bender last night.  Senators and congressmen are thought to be involved in numerous cases of disorderly conduct, noise violations, pubic indecency, and the theft of a several farm animals.  Nancy Pelosi in particular is wanted for questioning by the FBI.

Harry Reid is believed to have started the entire ordeal by bringing a case of champagne to the private chambers of the Senate for a toast.  Not long after the celebration turned raucous and two junior congressmen were carrying in the Congressional Beer Pong table.  Credit Card statements show that Mr. Reid purchased some farm equipment from a Super Wal-Mart at 2:30am.  He is believed to be involved in the appearance of a dozen farm animals that mysteriously showed up on Mitch McConnell’s lawn painted with the phrase “Tough Tacos!”  There is still no word on exactly where the animals were stolen from.

Park police reported seeing several middle aged men streaking across the Washington Mall.  None of the men were apprehended and no positive IDs were made.  However they were heard to be shouting “Public Option!” repeatedly.

Rahm Emanuel and Nancy Pelosi are shown on security camera footage renting a limousine shortly before midnight.  Pelosi and Emanuel were seen standing out of the sun roof singing along to “Pokerface” by Lady Gaga.  Several noise residential complaints were called in on to the Speaker of the House.  This limousine is also thought to be responsible for multiple moonings throughout the Metro DC area.  According to witnesses as the vehicle went by, every window of the stretch limousine had a bare backside pressed up against the glass.  Three old women are in the hospital this morning due to shock from the sight.

Details are scarce but the FBI would like to speak with Ms. Pelosi regarding a few flaming bags of excrement that were left on the doorstep of the Indian Embassy.

Democrats have all reported in to work this morning, most with dark sunglasses and large cups of coffee.  As of yet no Democrats have made an official statement about last night.