LOS ANGELES, CA – President Obama called Kanye West, off the record, a jackass. Kanye has shot back saying now the President can call him a Republican.
“I now pledge to use all my power, all my fame, and all my influence, to further the Republican cause.” Kanye made this pledge in a press conference yesterday. The self proclaimed ‘voice of this generation, of this decade’ went on to elaborate some of his new plans.
“I’m gonna tell all the world about what Obama’s doing wrong. On the drive here I wrote half an album what he’s doing wrong. I could write another song about it right now. Hold on a sec,… (mumbling) ba dubba dubba bada ba…
Talkin’ bout Obama, he really shouldnt’ botha, acting like our fatha’, gonna take away your dolla’s, um…”
One of his new Republican supporters, a former Fortune 500 CEO, pulled him back from the microphone, suggesting he not share “all of the magic too soon.” Kanye came back shouting, “President Obama doesn’t care about other black people!” The handful of other Republicans in the room cheered in support.
When asked what causes he would now support, Kanye replied, “I am one of the greatest and most influential artists of this time, of this generation, working now. With my music I’m going to take on Obama’s base, and pull people towards Republican values. I’m gonna tell people about Obama’s Death Panels. I’m gonna tell people about traditional values, like corporate tax breaks. I’m gonna sing out against gay people and immigrants, cause they both wanna change America into something else. I’m gonna talk about torture, cause that’s in the Bible so it’s gotta be okay. And how God’s Will is a free-market economy.”
Kanye’s Republican handlers pulled him away again and called an end to the meeting. Kanye’s next album, called “Doing it RIGHT”, will feature a R&B duet with Michelle Malkin. It is expected in stores before year’s end.