Ben Bernanke says that the worst of the recession is over and the economy will level out, thanks to a large reserve of gold found hidden under Mount Rushmore.
After reaching little to no success working within the Federal Reserve, Chairman Ben Bernanke began looking for other ways to end the financial crisis. For the past 3 months he has spent the majority of his time adventuring around the globe seeking alternative income to support the American economy. His breakthrough came last week when a controversial map found in the Jefferson library led him to a lost city of gold hidden underneath Mount Rushmore.
“This is truely a spectacular find” said Bernanke. “It will be a great help in propping up the American economy.”
Bernanke’s city of gold is believed to be the remnants of a Native American Indian tribe who stole the gold intended to pay France for the Louisiana purchase. The Lakota tribe fortified themselves in the South Dakota mountain until they were discovered by government forces in 1877. Realizing the chaos such an influx of gold would cause on the international markets the site was intentionally hidden. President Calvin Coolidge further hid the city by placing a monument on top of it. After that, the secret of the city was lost.
Bernanke’s find is expected to greatly stabilize the financial markets. Most economists are now saying that the recession is over, and the country can begin its slow recovery. The millions in gold will be just enough to patch up government deficits and avoid financial disaster. International pools betting on when the American financial system would melt down were thrown into chaos.
“This revenue” Bernanke said “will also allow government to pay off some of the interest we owe to China, avoiding harsh penalties or foreclosure.”