WASHINGTON, DC – Last night, President Obama and two other men met for the much publicized Beer Summit. Though the meeting is considered a success their wives are not nearly so thrilled.
Thursday night President Obama met with Harvard Professor Henry Gates and police Sgt. James Crowley to discuss an incident two weeks ago regarding racial profiling, and how best to help the country move forward. The meeting was highly informal and the press was barred from the event. Pictures were taken of the men starting the evening off with steins on the Rose Garden, but that is the all. The President and two other men refused to comment on what else happened that evening.
In an interview done this morning Mrs. Crowley states that “My God, I have never seen my husband this way. He came in at 6 this morning yelling about car bombs and chasing, it took me ten minutes to realize he was talking about drinks. He reeked to high heaven of bourbon. I had to throw him on the couch, and he kept singing Marvin Gaye until he passed out.”
When asked how he arrived home she said “It was the strangest thing, two secret service agents were holding him up. They knocked on the door and made sure this was the right address and I was his wife. I think they’d been to a few other houses first. Then they practically threw him on me, got in the car and drove off. And I swear, as they were heading out I saw the President stand up out of the cars sunroof. He was wearing a blue button down shirt, but the sleeves had been ripped off. He screamed ‘Rematch for next time!’ When I checked my husband’s pockets he had a handwritten letter on White House letterhead saying it was the Presidents Award for Physical Fitness in Beer Pong. It was signed by the President so I guess its official.”
White House sources confirm that over the course of the night the liquor cabinet in the Kennedy Party Lounge was nearly emptied. Though they had prepared by bringing in cases of American made beer, the party quickly went behind closed doors and switched to mixed drinks. The three men drowned the countries racial sorrows over Irish car bombs, something Henry Gates had never tried before.
As the evening moved on they shared tequila shooters, jack and coke, and a President Obama specialty; ginger lemonade with dark and light rum, a drink he calls “Ginger loves Mary-Anne.” Professor Gates tried to maintain a sense of decorum, but eventually led the group on vocals while they played Rock Band. Sources indicate that he is refusing to take any calls until Monday.
Michelle Obama has been very closed lipped on the issue of the Beer Summit. Her only response to reporters has been “I fully support my husband. Even if he did something Stupid all night instead of healing the countries wounds, I still love and support him.”
No other official comment has yet come from the White House, but new rugs were being delivered before dawn this morning.