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I’m madder than a rabid llama about what’s been going on in Argentina!

It’s bad enough Governor Sanford told a bunch of lies, disappeared for a week, then got caught with his pants down around the Panama Canal. I guess “hiking up the Appalachian Trail” means something different when he says it…

Now we get to hear Sanford’s sexy computer messages to his girlfriend in Argentina. My face is redder than a champion radish! I don’t know what “tan lines” are but I don’t think they’re in the Bible.

Then it turns out old Bill Clinton was in this Argentina place at exactly the same time, hanging out at some strip club.

I don’t see the point of getting to be a two-term President of the United States of America if you still have to pay to get your jollies at the Pussycat Peeler Bar & Organ Emporium.

And why a foreign strip club? I’ve heard of “free trade” but this is ridiculous.

Aren’t red blooded (and plastic boobed) American women good enough for our politicians anymore? Patriotic pulchritudinous ladies across these United States should be livid about this new kind of outsourcing.

I say we do like Margaret Thatcher and invade Argentina. OK, our excuse for invading is even crazier than Thatcher’s, but she got away with it.

Her approval ratings shot way up! (Are you listening, Teleprompter Kid?)

We need to revenge all the fine American females who’re being pushed aside in favor of Buenos Aires bimbos.

I say we send in Navy Seal snipers to take out all the fake boobs in Argentina! The war will have the added bonus of ticking off that fat, stupid weirdo Hugo Chavez guy who lives next door.

Let Operation Infinite Bust-ice begin!