All these bailouts and whatnot have got me as mixed up as a high-class hooker at a Motel 6!
Now that I’m back in the saddle here at Weekly World News, fighting for all that’s right and good and decent, some of you keep sending me stuff to write about.
Yesterday, I got a message on my computer machine that said: “FAT CATS GRILLED!”
I just about snorted Dr. Pepper all over my desk. I know times are tough, but even in the Great Depression of blessed memory, we never broke down and fried up our beloved furry pets! Number one, that’s Chinese Communism at its worst! And number two, cat meat’s too damn stringy. And I do love our pal Tonya here, the World’s Fattest Cat. Heck, she’s one of the hardest workers on our staff!
So my grandson helped me figure out what to do with this message I got. This moving picture came up on the screen and it turns out the “Fat Cat” was some big shot banker and the “grilled” part was this lady Senator yelling at him at some big Washington meeting. Ha ha.
Now, Mrs. Cosby or Wheezie or Maxine Nightingale or whoever she is, I didn’t understand a thing she was asking this guy, something about why the banks charge you all those fees to take out your own money.
I was so relieved when it was finally the banker guy’s turn to speak and he said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Thought old Ed was finally going senile there for a second.
Anyhow: everybody at this meeting looked like an idiot. But what else is new? Washington, DC was built on a swamp by a Frenchman. When you start off like that, you’d best expect the worst.