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MY VISIT WITH “W”


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My heart’s as broken as the Liberty Bell about saying goodbye to President Bush.

Last week, I visited the White House for a farewell lunch with the great man. Lots of other big time patriotic pundits were there, too. Rush ate all the good donuts. Barney humped Hannity’s leg. (I think he liked it). Boortz left his cell phone on, so for a second it was like a bunch of gay boys were singing from inside his pants.

Also, somebody farted. (I’m guessing the Mormon…)

We looked out onto the Rose Garden one last time, before the new guy starts using it to grow marijuana for his unicorn.

We asked the President if he had any regrets, besides not getting to nuke anybody?

Bush said he wished he’d drilled for oil up in Alaska.

“That’ll never happen now,” the President mused. “Not after the new guy beat What’s His Name and That Lady With The Glasses.”

The President even let us in on some top secret stuff, like how that nuclear football isn’t really a football – “Boy, was that a fox paw!” — and that his Secret Service nickname was “Smirky McHitler.”

“Lottsa Dems at Treasury…” Bush explained in a nervous whisper.

As we waved goodbye, I thought about our beautiful White House being taken over by draft dodgers and drunks and illegal-alien-lovers and idiots out to destroy our great capitalist system and — well, the excitement must’ve got to me right about then and I started getting a little mixed up…

Anyway, my fellow Americans, we’ve got one last day not to think about the horrible future let lies ahead. Let’s remember happier times gone by, back before they made a guy with a funny name the President, and let Mormons on the radio.